The Office (US) Quotes

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Here are a load of funny the Office US quotes. If you like the American TV series then you'll love the list of funny quotes below. If you have your own funny Office quotes then add them. There is a form at the bottom of this page...

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Michael		There are ten rules of business that you need to know... You have to play to win, but you need to win to play... I'll give you the other nine after lunch.
Comments		- Season 2 - The Fire


Dwight		Clear out stat! Stat means now!
Comments		- Season 2 - The Fire


Michael		My emergency contact is Todd Packer, Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F stands for?
Ryan		Fudge?
Comments		- Season 2 - The Fight



Michael		Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train, you would probably think she was dead.
Comments		- Season 2 - The Client


Michael		There are certain things a boss should not share with his employees: his salary, that would depress them, his bed...
Comments		- Season 2 - Email Surveillance


Michael		Why do I like Hooters? Well I'll give you two reasons: the boobs and the hot wings.
Comments		- Season 2 - The Secret



Pam		I was kinda hoping that you'd get me something for valentines day.
Roy		Well valentines day isn't over, let's get you home and you're going to get the best sex of your life.
Comments		- Season 2 - Valentines Day


Michael		What's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
Dwight		A saleswoman has a vagina.
Comments		- Season 2 - Dwights Speech


Michael		Cage matches, yeah they work. If they didn't work then everybody would still be in the cage.
Comments		- Season 2 - Conflict Resolution



Michael		Two queens on casino night. I'm going to drop a deuce on everybody!
Comments		- Season 2 - Casino Night


Michael		Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime and you could tell me how it is you're able to do that to another dude.
Comments		- Season 3 - Gay Witch Hunt


Creed		A man can go on living for minutes after his head has been removed.
Dwight		You’re thinking of a chicken.
Creed		What did I say?
Comments		- Season 3 - Grief Counseling

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The Office (US) Characters

Steve Carell	as	Michael Scott	John Krasinski	as	Jim Halper
Jenna Fischer	as	Pam Halpert Beesly	Rainn Wilson	as	Dwight Schrute
Rashida Jones	as	Karen Filippelli	Ed Helms	as	Andy Bernard
B J Novak	as	Ryan Howard	David Koechner	as	Todd Packer
Melora Hardin	as	Jan Levinson	Leslie David Baker	as	Stanley Hudson
Craig Robinson	as	Darryl Philbin	Phyllis Smith	as	Phyllis Lapin Vance
Creed Bratton	as	Creed Bratton	Angela Kinsey	as	Angela Martin
Paul Lieberstein	as	Toby Flenderson	Brian Baumgartner	as	Kevin Malone
Oscar Nunez	as	Oscar Martinez	Kate Flannery	as	Meredith Palmer
Mindy Kaling	as	Kelly Kapoor	Amy Ryan	as	Holly Flax
Will Ferrell	as	Deangelo Vickers