Stewie Griffin Quotes

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Stewie		Can you shave my coin purse?
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Brian		You're drunk.
Stewie		And you're sexy.
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Stewie		What if I hold the gun sideways like this?!
Brian		Woh, man there's no need for any trouble.
Stewie		Well if you don't want any trouble then just eat my poo Brian!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Tianna Van Cura



Cleveland		Goodbye kids.
Chris		Bye, Mr Cleveland.
Stewie		Bye, chocolate people.
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Stewie		Killer in the house.
Comments		- Season 9 - And Then There Were Fewer


Stewie		I'm a tan person now.
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Stewie		Hey, this lemonade is great jillian.
Jillian		Thanks, its such a shame we have to kill so many lemons to make it.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Brendan Cox


Stewie		is she the only one that's getting fucked up there
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Stewie		And I like that singer who looks like a whore.
Brian		Ricky Martin?
Stewie		Love 'im.
Comments		- Season 3 - Road to Europe



Brian		How do you not know about trick or treating?
Stewie		How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?
Brian		Hey! That guy is a dick!
Comments		- Season 9 - Halloween on Spooner Street


Stewie		Oh spendid! This calls for a sexy party.
Comments		- Season 3 - From Methods to Madness


Stewie		Who sings that song?
Brian		James Taylor.
Stewie		Yeah, let's keep it that way.
Comments		- Season 5 - Road to Rupert


Stewie		A bullet sounds the same in every language, so shut up you fat cow!
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Stewie		Hey connie, guess what?
Connie		What?
Stewie		That's what. But no, seriously I need to talk to you about something.
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Stewie		You know who also works here?
Brian		Who?
Stewie		F*ck you! That's who!
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Stewie		You have to be aggressive more aggressive than Michael Jackson's treatment of his own groin on stage.
Comments		- Season 4 - Brian Sings and Swings


Quizz Show Host		Name something that you do on a Saturday....
Lois		Ehhhh... Grocery shopping!
Stewie		Black guys.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kane Simpson


Stewie		What the Deuce!
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Stewie		Well I'd love to stay and chat... but you're a total bitch.
Comments		- Season 3 - From Methods to Madness


Lois		You'll love this cake.
Stewie		None for me, thanks. It's gonna go straight to my vagina. That's what girls worry about, right - having big vaginas?
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Stewie		Here's my summary of every Vince Vaughn movie: Oh, I'm incapable of loving another person. Oh, wait, no, I'm not. The end.
Comments		- Season 6 - Movin' Out (Brian's Song)


Stewie		Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Margo Nikolov


Herbet		Well, OshKosh B'Gosh, it's a brand-new paperboy. That's a might full sack you're carrying.
Stewie		Piss off, you perverted old freak!
Herbet		Oh-ho, we got a fighter.
Comments		- Season 6 - Movin' Out (Brian's Song)


Stewie		Check out my penis. Yeah, I am ready for sex. I drank eight gallons of water today. This baby's ready to explode!
Comments		- Season 6 - McStroke


Stewie		Mom mom mom mom mommy mommy mommy mother mother mother.
Lois		What!
Stewie		Hi!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Brandon Mullins


Stewie		Look at my muscles bitch!!
Brian		That's not muscle that's just fat!!
Comments		- Season 7 - Stew-Roids


Stewie		Find your penis, one dollar!
Comments		- Season 4 - The Fat Guy Strangler


Stewie		If he dies, I'll have to start hanging out with The Rock again.
Narrator		Ones a baby. And the others Black. Well, at least, part black or possibly Hispanic. In fact, there might be some filipino in there yes possibly some Filipino. I mean if he's black, it's definitely diluted. I mean one of his parents must be White. What the hells Jessica Alba for that matter? If I were 40 years younger, I would plough that until next July.
Comments		- Season 4 - Brian Sings and Swings


Stewie		What is everyone looking at? The salesman told me it was unisex.
Comments		- Season 7 - We Love You, Conrad


Stewie		This is my rifle this is my gun!
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Stewie		As soon as my movie deal kicks in, I'm such a ghost!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 2 - A Picture is Worth a 1,000 Bucks


Stewie		This is more pathetic then that time I played marco polo with Hellen Keller.
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Death		Hey high five.
Neil		Ok.
Stewie		Oh, he just got owned.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Ryan Strickland


Stewie		Where's my money man?
Brian		I'll get it.
Stewie		You better.
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Stewie		Ummm why is there a half dead fat man, eating a dead fat man upstairs?
Comments		- Season 4 - The Fat Guy Strangler


Stewie		Those aren't boobs, they're lies!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Callum Bruff-Murphy - Season 4 - I Take Thee Quagmire


Stewie		Damn you all!
Comments		- Season 1 - Death Has a Shadow


Stewie		Hey Brian you want some stewie jerky.
Brian		Ew gross what the he'll is that?
Stewie		I'm finally starting to peel.
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Stewie		Anyone else wanna feel my Rebok in their grapes!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 4 - Sibling Rivalry


Stewie		It needs cool-whhhip
Brian		Why put so much enthuses on the h?
Stewie		What are you talking about?
Comments		- Season 2 - Holy Crap


Dr Hartman		Oh my god! She's dead!
Stewie		I can't help but feel this would be sadder if she wasn't heavy.
Comments		- Season 9 - And Then There Were Fewer


Stewie		Victory is mine!
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Stewie		And I got a job following fat people around with a tuba.
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Stewie		Hey, hey, Brian do you know what I would do to that guy right now?
Brian		Urgh what Stewie?
Stewie		I'd freakin drop his ass!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Tianna Van Cura


Stewie		Just my package. God delivered it, I signed for it and the world keeps spinning.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 4 - 8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter


Stewie		All this time keeping people from having sex. And now I know how the catholic church feels. Ba-zing!
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Meg		I'm home you all are my bitches now!
Stewie		Ok...
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Stewie		He dropped out of light speed too quickly.
James Wood		Yeah I had that problem with a girl last night.
Stewie		Ok... Gross.
Comments		- Season 8 - Something, Something, Something Dark Side


Stewie		Do I take it out or leave it in? Do I take it out or leave it in? Aaarh!
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Michael J Fox		Stewie! I need to tell you about the future. On the night I go back!
Stewie		No Michael, I think you need to hear about your future.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Matt Statz


Lois		You can come back to Quahog with us.
Stewie		Ya that's a great idea maybe he can bring his sling blade and order up some French fried potatoes.
Comments		- Season 4 - The Fat Guy Strangler


Stewie		That one reindeer just pooped in that other reindeer's face and he just kinda took it.
Comments		- Season 9 - Road to the North Pole


Stewie		Take your index finger and your thumb and gently rub them down your tail.
Brian		Why would you want me to do that?
Stewie		It's just a little something I want you to do.
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Brian		Come on meg let's go and get you a big old pretzel.
Stewie		I wanna pretzel!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Erin Durrant


Peter		What you haven't heard brian?
Stewie		Brian don't!
Peter		Bird bird bird, bird is the word, Brian have you heard about the bird, well Peter is gonna tell you about the bird bird bird, bird is the word, surfing bird...
Comments		Quote Entered by: Alfie Sparrow - Season 7 - I Dream of Jesus


Stewie		So is there any thread left on the tires or at this point is it just like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
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Stewie		Victory shall be mine!
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Peter		Hey kids you know that one birthday present that you wanted?
Meg		A cell phone?
Stewie		A dead Lois?
Comments		- Season 2 - Da Boom


Stewie		Victory shall be mine!
Meg		Yeah like that will ever happen.
Peter		Shut up meg your so annoying.
Comments		- Season 2 - Da Boom


Brian		Doing a bit of shaving there?
Stewie		Ah, yeah, got a question for you, would you shave my coin purse?
Brian		Oh no. No no no, oh God!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kelly Hawker


Lois		No, hitting Peter is the first violent thing he's done.
Stewie		Well technically my first act of violance is the bomb I planted in your womb. Happy 50th Birthday Lois!
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Brian		You got me a candle I could go out a get a candle now.
Stewie		Hey I did have to get you anything.
Brian		It's almost like you didn't.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Lauren Mackett - Season 9 - The Big Bang Theory


Stewie		i'll have what she's having, says the funniest person here.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Thomas Finn - Season 7 - The Juice is Loose


Chris		Want some ice cream?
Stewie		Yes. But no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Cole Law


Stewie		You want some of this Maury Poo bitch. I'd freaking drop her ass.
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Stewie		I am so bored! Hey dog, once your done applying your lipstick would you take me to the park?
Brian		What? My lipstick? Oh! Haha, you mean because of my penis, right, yes, that's fantastic.
Comments		- Season 4 - The Courtship of Stewie's Father


Stewie		I love you.
Brian		What?!
Stewie		Nothing I just said olive juice Brian. Olive juice.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Lorna Palin


Stewie		Brian, I am going to kill that vile woman
Comments		- Season 3 - Brian Does Hollywood


Stewie		You know what? I'm going to buy a cake when you're dead.
Comments		- Season 8 - Peter-assment