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Mr Garrison Quotes
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| Mr Garrison |
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Not all Muslim people are terrorists.
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| Cartman |
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No, but most of them are, and all it takes is most of them.
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- Season 11 - The Snuke
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| Mr Garrison |
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Can we get rid of all the mexicans?
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| Mayor |
Mr garrison, every Christmas you ask to get rid of all the Mexicans and every year we tell you no!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Dammit!
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- Season 7 - It's Christmas in Canada
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| Mr Garrison |
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Come on kids don't be shy, what's 5 times 2?
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| Clyde |
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12?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Ok, now let's get an answer from someone who's not a compleat retard.
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| Mr Garrison |
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How would you like to go to the principal's office?
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| Cartman |
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How would you like to suck my balls?
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| Stan |
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Oh man this is bad.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Did I say something to you sugar-tits!?
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- Season 11 - D-Yikes!
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| Mr Garrison |
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I don't know Stan your mothers are probably all on their periods or something.
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| Gregory |
Mr Garrison Wendy and I find that comment offensive.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Well I'm sorry Wendy but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Does anyone know what sexual harassment is?
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| Cartman |
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When you are trying to have intercourse with a lady and someone tickles your balls from behind.
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| Mr Garrison |
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I'm not gay, I just act that way to get the chicks, dumbass!
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- Season 1 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
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| Stan |
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What's a homosexual?
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| Mr Garrison |
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You came to the right person Stan. Listen gay people are evil!
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- Season 1 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
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| Wendy |
Mr Garrison, Gregory and I were offended by that comment.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Well, I'm sorry, Wendy, but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Well I'm sorry Wendy but i just don't trust things that bleed for five days and don't die.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Cartman do you need to sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control?
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- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
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| Mr Garrison |
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You go to hell!, you go to hell and you die!!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Fags are getting married over my dead body!
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- Season 9 - Follow That Egg!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Ow! You hit me right in the p*ssy!
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- Season 11 - D-Yikes!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Apparently, we have a little problem here at the school, that we need to talk about.
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| Cartman |
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Aarh, yes, you mean the Jew problem.
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- Season 11 - Lice Capades
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| Mr Garrison |
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How about we get rid of all of the Mexicans?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Don’t lie Stan, lies make you sterile.
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- Season 2 - Clubhouses
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| Cartman |
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How would you like to suck my balls?
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| Mr Garrison |
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What did you say?
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| Cartman |
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Oh I'm sorry, actually what i said was, how would you like to suck my balls Mr. Garrison?
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| Mr Garrison |
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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Come slave.
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- Season 7 - South Park is Gay
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| Mr Garrison |
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Genetic engineering is man's way of correcting God's hideous mistakes, like German people.
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| Mr Garrison |
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My penis is on the loose! If you see it, just try to catch it with some cheese.
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| Butters |
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Aaauw...That hurt my brains......Aaaaauuuw....
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- Season 12 - Eek, a Penis!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Somebody get my penis!
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- Season 12 - Eek, a Penis!
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| Cartman |
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Well I'm half bi.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Stop it you kids aren't gay. And Eric your not half bi!
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| Cartman |
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I might be a quarter bi. My grandpa was bi so that makes me a quarter bi!
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- Season 7 - South Park is Gay
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| Mr Garrison |
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Uhhh, we're scissoring!
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- Season 11 - D-Yikes!
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| Cartman |
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I have to get detention.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Eric did you just take a crap on my desk?
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| Cartman |
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What's up what's up.
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- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever
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| Mr Garrison |
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Hey there, sh*tty sh*tty fag fag, sh*tty sh*tty fag fag! How do ya do?
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- Season 5 - It Hits the Fan
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| Mr Garrison |
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How about a nice bucket of AIDs!?
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- Season 5 - Proper Condom Use
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| Cartman |
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F*ck, f*ckity, f*ck f*ck f*ck!
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| Mr Garrison |
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How would you like to go see the school counsellor?
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| Cartman |
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How would you like to suck my balls?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Kill Kathie Lee Giford!
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- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000
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| Mr Garrison |
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Eric what are you doing?
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| Cartman |
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Just changing my condom.
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- Season 5 - Proper Condom Use
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| Mr Garrison |
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How do two girls make love anyways, unless they scissor or something?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Scissor me Alison!
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- Season 9 - Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina
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| Mr Garrison |
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Why don't you tell us alittle about yourself, Marjorine.
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| Butters |
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I'm just a typical little girl. I like rainbows, and ponies, and getting my vage pounded on friday nights.
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| Clyde |
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Nice.
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- Season 9 - Marjorine
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| Mr Garrison |
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Holy poop on a stick!
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- Season 1 - Damien
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| Sheila Brovlofski |
They just believe in their little hearts that it will work, we can't tell them it won't, we just can't.
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| Jimbo Kern |
It shows how beautiful the innocence of a child really is...
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| Mr Garrison |
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A ladder to heaven, that's f*cking stupid.
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- Season 6 - A Ladder to Heaven
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| Mr Garrison |
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You kiss like my dad.
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- Season 3 - World Wide Recorder Concert
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| Mr Garrison |
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...And thats how you tell a police officer from a prostitute, children.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Scissor-Me-Timbers!
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- Season 9 - Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina
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| Mr Garrison |
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Butters do you have a problem?
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| Butters |
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All these bitches are kissing fellers and they haven't figured out they can be making serious f*cking money!
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- Season 13 - Butters' Bottom Bitch
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| Mr Garrison |
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I have news for the class!... I'm gay!
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| Stan |
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...Again?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Now Timmy, who found America?
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| Timmy |
Uhhhh... Timmah!
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| Mr Garrison |
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No Timmy it wasn't you.
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Comments |
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| Mr Garrison |
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Just betweem us ladies nothing gets me wetter than a black man singing.
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| Principal |
Mr. Garrison for the love of god!
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Comments |
- Season 9 - Wing
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| Cartman |
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Shut up f*ckin Jew
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| Mr Garrison |
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Erik did you just say the f word?
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| Cartman |
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Jew?
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| Mr Garrison |
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I am not gay! I am a woman.
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- Season 9 - Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina
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| Mr Garrison |
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I haven't gotten a date since the sex change operation.
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- Season 10 - Go God Go XII
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| Mr Garrison |
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Now marjorine, us Colorado girls love getting our snooch pounded on a friday night, but we like to keep it to ourselves.
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- Season 9 - Marjorine
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| Mr Garrison |
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Now, I know we're all still in deep, deep morning over our classmate, Butters.
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| Rebbeca |
Who's Butters?
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- Season 9 - Marjorine
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| Mr Garrison |
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Allyson and I talked, and really opened up to each other and... then we... scissored all night long.
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| Butters |
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You have to be careful with scissors.
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- Season 11 - D-Yikes!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Is my penis ready...let me see it....it feels so good in my hand.
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| Mr Garrison |
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Cleveland steamer.
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| Stan |
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Haven't you figured it out yet, Mr Garrison. Timmy is retarded!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Stan, it's not nice to call people names!
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| Stan |
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It's true!
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- Season 4 - Timmy 2000
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| Mr Garrison |
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Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie.
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- Season 1 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
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| Mr Garrison |
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Dyke fight!
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- Season 11 - D-Yikes!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Fag Drag! Fag drag?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Mr. Slave did you take attendance already?
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| Mr Slave |
All donesie onesie!
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- Season 7 - I'm a Little Bit Country
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| Mr Garrison |
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Hey! There! Shitty, shitty, fag, fag, shitty, shitty, fag, fag, how do you do?
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| Mr Garrison |
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You can't get married you're faggots!
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| Mr Garrison |
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I'm a man I deserve a penis!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Have you seen my penis?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Jesus, tap dancing, Christ!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Ok children, lets start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two... Come on children don't be shy... Clyde?
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| Clyde |
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Twelve?
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| Mr Garrison |
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Ok, now let's try someone who is not retarded!
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| Mr Garrison |
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Evolution is a hair brained theory that says I'm a monkey, I'm not a monkey! I'm a woman!
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Comments |
- Season 10 - Go God Go
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