Lois Griffin Quotes

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Meg		Hi dad I'm your daughter, Meg.
Peter		Doh!
Lois		No Peter, that's not your catchphrase.
Comments


Carter Pewterschmidt		Come and get the salmon, I know you Jew girls want the salmon.
Lois		Is there really salmon over there?
Barbara Pewterschmidt		No, if you go over there he just squirts you with a squirt gun.
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Peter		Kick, Joe, kick!
Lois		Peter, he's a paraplegic.
Peter		That doesn't mean he can't hear.
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Lois		Just tell us, is peter okay?
Dr Hartman		Oh he's fine, he's just fat.
Peter		Ahh... Well, this is news to me.
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Lois		The army are weak, the Marines now they are the guys you want to f**k.
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Peter		Do you now how you always wanted a diamond engagement ring?
Lois		Oh my god, Peter.
Peter		That's right I bought a horse.
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Peter		...he invited us to dinner.
Lois		Oh good, I won't have to cook.
Peter		No, go ahead and cook anyway, we'll through it out, I don't want you getting rusty.
Comments		- Season 3 - From Methods to Madness


Lois		Peter, you've been sleeping with that money for the past week. It's time we did something with it.
Peter		Buy a bolt and shut that trap of yours?
Lois		What?
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels


Lois		Hey! You don't think I'm fat do you?
Waiter		Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois		What!?
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Meg		Mom, have you ever felt not so fresh down there?
Lois		No I haven't and I don't know any woman who has. There must be something wrong with you.
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Quizz Show Host		Name something that you do on a Saturday....
Lois		Ehhhh... Grocery shopping!
Stewie		Black guys.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kane Simpson


Lois		Peter why the hell do you have a chastity belt?!
Peter		Because Lois here are the facts about sex, if u have sex it turns straight people gay and turns gays into mexicans. It turns everyone down a notch.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Tianna Van Cura


Lois		You liked the Nutcracker, didn't you?
Peter		No, Lois, I did not. The Nutcracker had zero physical comedy. With the name, I thought: this will be a few yuks, but no Lois. That title wrote a cheque that those queers on stage refused to cash.
Comments		- Season 5 - No Chris Left Behind


Stewie		Mom mom mom mom mommy mommy mommy mother mother mother.
Lois		What!
Stewie		Hi!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Brandon Mullins


Lois		You'll love this cake.
Stewie		None for me, thanks. It's gonna go straight to my vagina. That's what girls worry about, right - having big vaginas?
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Lois		Peter, there has to be a world war 3 and 4 first.
Peter		See that's the beauty of world war 5, it's so intense that it skips over 3 and 4.
Comments


Lois		How was your bowel movement Peter?
Peter		I got some, but I didn't get the trouble maker.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Lorna Palin - Season 8 - Peter-assment


Lois		Hey Peter, I just got myself waxed so let's just say you're ready for clear landing.
Quagmire		Giggity!
Comments		- Season 4 - Model Misbehaviour


Meg		I miss uncle Patrick.
Lois		I promise we can go visit him once a month.
Chris		We'll be his period.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 4 - The Fat Guy Strangler


Lois		Ok if i give you ten second's of making out would let it go?
Peter		Let's see where it goes.
Comments		- Season 5 - Whistle While Your Wife Works


Lois		Who wants chowder?
Everyone		Bleeeeeeeeeeerrrrrhhhh!
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Lois		Peter, Megs been suspended from school.
Peter		Thats ok, whatever she wants to do.
Comments		- Season 8 - Dial Meg for Murder


Lois		Tricia Takanawa My daughter needs a makeover like there's no freckin' tomorrow!
Comments		- Season 4 - Don't Make Me Over


Lois		You can come back to Quahog with us.
Stewie		Ya that's a great idea maybe he can bring his sling blade and order up some French fried potatoes.
Comments		- Season 4 - The Fat Guy Strangler


Lois		Should we just ask hear how old she is?
Peter		Maybe we should just cut of her leg and count the rings.
Comments		- Season 5 - Peter's Two Dads


Lois		No, hitting Peter is the first violent thing he's done.
Stewie		Well technically my first act of violance is the bomb I planted in your womb. Happy 50th Birthday Lois!
Comments


Meg		Mom, why did you come here i thought you were mad at dad?
Lois		I came because I love the theatre, now if I came to see your father fail what kind of person would I be?
Chris		A bitch.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Thomas Finn - Season 2 - The King is Dead


Lois		Something's poking me.
Quagmire		Shhh, it's just my penis
Comments		Quote Entered by: Cole Law


Lois		Peter. It's time for dinner.
Peter		Take it up with my butt. He's the only one that gives a crap!
Lois		Wow! What a great sentence!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Matt Joe Leicht - Season 9 - Welcome Back, Carter


Lois		Peter I don't think it's wise to have a brain damaged horse as a house pet.
Peter		You don't know nothing, bout anything.
Comments		- Season 7 - Family Gay


Lois		How about we just order room service and watch a couple of bad movies?
Brian		Yeah, that does sound like fun. I'll go rent Vanilla Sky.
Lois		I said a bad movie, not an abortion.
Comments		- Season 6 - Play it Again, Brian


Meg		Mum... Was I adopted?
Lois		No sweetie... You just had problems when you was born.
Comments		- Season 2 - If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin


Lois		What is going on?!
Chris		Dad's making a TV show, but I'm not supposed to tell mom cause she's just gonna bitch about it.
Comments		- Season 4 - PTV


Lois		Something is poking my leg!
Quagmire		Shh shh shh shh... It's just my wang.
Comments		- Season 5 - Meet the Quagmires


Lois		Are we having sex?
Peter		Um, I don't know, lift up that roll right there. Yup!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 4 - Sibling Rivalry