The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes

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Old Man		That guy needs to get laid.
Old Woman		Tell me something I don't know.
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Cal		We thought it would be fun to go to this show. And you know, it's a woman f*cking a horse. We get there and you know we think it's gonna be awesome... And it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. It's kinda gross.
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David		If you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD, that you've been playing for two years straight, off, I'm gonna kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.
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David		If I hear Yah Mo B There one more time... I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground.
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Jay		You are fcking with the wrong ngger!
Mooj		Hey, you are fcking with the wrong sun-ngger, ok?
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Mooj		This is hog sh*t!
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Cal		I was sleeping with a woman recently, her tits were unbelievable. We're doing it and I'm about to finish and her dog starts licking my ass. I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog?
Jay		I know your nasty ass, he finishes.
Cal		I finished. And then I stole the dog.
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Jay		Did she have the bumpy braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders?
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Andy		I'm not the only person in the world who rides a bike.
Cal		Yeah, everyone rides a bike... When they're f*cking six.
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Jay		You are putting the pussy up on this pedestal.
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Andy		Nipple f*ck!
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Andy		There's something wrong with her underpants.
Cal		Yeah, they're not in my mouth.
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Trish		Are you a telemarketer, James? Are you at the top of a tall building? Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off!
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Cal		Would you f*ck him?
Paula		In a New York minute.
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Gina		You're real feminine, which is good for me because that would be a simple sort of transition. You know what I'm saying? Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back.
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Cal		Do you know what's a fun game? You take three Excedrin PMs and see if you could whack off before you fall asleep.
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Mooj		Go f*ck a goat!
Jay		Why are you always telling me to f*ck a goat, man?
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Jay		How do you know she was a man?
Andy		Because her hands were as big as Andre the Giant's. And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls.
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David		Do you know how I know you're gay?
Cal		How? How do you know I'm gay?
David		Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
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Cal		Do you know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with woman anymore.
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David		Do you know how I know you're gay?
Cal		How? Because you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are?
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David		Do you know how I know you're gay?
Cal		How?
David		Because you like Coldplay.
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David		Do you know how I know you're gay?
Cal		How?
David		You like the movie Maid in Manhattan.
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Cal		Do you know how I know you're gay?
David		How?
Cal		I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
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David		Do you know how I know you're gay?
Cal		How?
David		You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: I love it when balls are in my face.
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Trish		Do you have protection?
Andy		I don't like guns.
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The 40 Year Old Virgin Characters

Steve Carell	as	Andy	Catherine Keener	as	Trish
Paul Rudd	as	David	Romany Malco	as	Jay
Seth Rogen	as	Cal	Elizabeth Banks	as	Beth
Leslie Mann	as	Nicky	Jane Lynch	as	Paula
Gerry Bednob	as	Mooj	Shelley Malil	as	Haziz