Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies Quotes

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Kumar		Dude, how were Katie Holmes’ tits?
Goldstein		You know the holocaust?.. Picture the opposite of that.
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Kumar		Just cos you’re hung like a moose, doesn’t mean you have to do porn.
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Harold		We’re so high right now.
Kumar		We’re not low.
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Rosenburg		Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl. And I’m gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein		The things I would eat out of her ass. You have no idea.
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Kumar		Hey, come on.
Kumar's Dad		Daddy’s not coming on anything.
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Freakshow		Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
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Freakshow		It’s going to take me a while to fix up the car there, so if you boys like you can go on inside, get y’all something to drink, f*ck my wife, watch TV.
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Liane		So are you guys going to f*ck me know, or what?
Kumar		Rock, paper, scissors, see who goes first.
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Kumar		Shotgun, anus!
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Neil		It’s a f*cking sausage fest here.
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Neil		I’ve been craving burgers too. Fur burgers.
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Harold		Did Doogie Howser just steal my f*cking car?
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Officer Palumbo		Who the fck are you, shtwad?
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Harold		What happened to my car?
Neil		I made some love stains on the backseat. You’ll see.
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Kumar		Did she touch your penis?
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Officer Palumbo		That's not the sort of tone you want to use on a cop who could bust your ass.
Kumar		Bust my ass?
Officer Palumbo		Yes, Kumar. Bust your ass! What sort of name is that anyway? C-OO-MAR? Is it with five O's or two U's?
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Kumar		Hey assholes! Why don't you leave him alone and go jerk off to snowboarding videos or something?
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Extreme Skateboard punk #1		It's the Brothers McFag. Let me guess... the one with the purse is the catcher.
Extreme Skateboard punk #2		Come on, guys, let's get ourselves some fucking Mountain Dew. Extreme!
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Skateboard Punk#1		This is America, dude! Learn how to drive!
Skateboard Punk#2		Better ruck next time!
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Harold		I want that.
Kumar		What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold		No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling!
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Harold		Nice. Sixteen Candles is on.
Kumar		And the award for least heterosexual statement ever made in this apartment goes to... Harold Lee! Come on down! Take a bow!
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Kumar		So, Neil, I have to ask you something-- did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set?
Neil		Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show.
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Harold		Hey, you don't know how to get back on the highway, do you?
Neil		I don't even know where the f*ck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight, and this dude hooked me up with some killer X. Somehow I ended up getting thrown out of a moving car, and I've been tripping balls ever since.
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Skateboard Punk#1		Late night math league meeting, homos?
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Skateboard Punk#1		That was so f*cking extreme, man!
Skateboard Punk#2		Yeah man, on a scale from one to ten- one being not so extreme, ten being extremely extreme, I'd give it a nine point five.
Skateboard Punk#3		Look here..Extreme Cheddar!
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Skateboard Punk		Yeah, that's right, bitch! Try f*cking with me one more time. Just try it! Thank you, come again!
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Harold		Did Doogie Houser just steal my f*cking car?
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Kumar		Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Neil		Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. Prick. Here's 50 for the meal, and 200 for the car.
Harold		What did you do to my car?
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Creepy guy		Oh, so you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh?
Kumar		No, it's just... I just...
Creepy guy		This your bush? You have a special bond with this bush?
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Creepy guy		You the king of the forest?
Kumar		I'm sorry?
Creepy guy		You f*ckin' tree-hugger. IS THIS YOUR SPECIAL BUSH?
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Harold		How is that not the worse news?
Kumar		The laptop situation really only affects you, whereas the White Castle situation affects us both equally.
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Burger Shack Guy		Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfcker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfcker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherf*cker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.
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Harold		So what are you in here for?
Tarik		For being black.
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Tarik		I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. Now please stop beating me."
Harold		I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Tarik		Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.
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Kumar		There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Neil		You don't need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
Harold		Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
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Harold		Back off cockboy, what I said to him goes double for you.
Harold's Co-Worker		Cockboy, you just call me cockboy?
Harold		Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling cuz you're not quick enough to think of a comeback
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Kumar		So where you going to go now, Neil?
Neil		[puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me!
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Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies Characters

John Cho	as	Harold	Kal Penn	as	Kumar
Eddie Kaye Thomas	as	Rosenburg	David Krumholtz	as	Goldstein
Christopher Meloni	as	Freakshow	Malin Akerman	as	Liane
Neil Patrick Harris	as	Neil Patrick Harris	Sandy Jobin-Bevans	as	Officer Palumbo