Family Guy Season 5 Quotes

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Brian		I saw a penis on the internet today and I thought to myself, well that's just fine.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 5 - Barely Legal


Peter		Lois, don't be alarmed but I think I may be Jesus.
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels


Stewie		Who sings that song?
Brian		James Taylor.
Stewie		Yeah, let's keep it that way.
Comments		- Season 5 - Road to Rupert



Peter		Now if you'll excuse me, I have some death to defy.
Comments		- Season 5 - Road to Rupert


Lois		Peter, you've been sleeping with that money for the past week. It's time we did something with it.
Peter		Buy a bolt and shut that trap of yours?
Lois		What?
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels


Peter		Why are all these parallelograms here?
Quagmire		You mean paraplegics?
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels



Texan Wife		We're the Lynches. We live next door.
Texan Husband		Nellie here is a homemake. And I'm a queer-chaser and beater.
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Peter		I thought you were going to rape me!
Dr Hartman		Well I was till you ran out of the room!
Peter		What?!
Comments		- Season 5 - Stewie Loves Lois


Meg		You can have me.
Bill Clinton		Eeeeeww!
Comments		- Season 5 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey



Quagmire		You're overreacting Lois. And you can't spell overreacting without ovary... because you're a woman.
Comments		- Season 5 - Airport '07


Lois		You liked the Nutcracker, didn't you?
Peter		No, Lois, I did not. The Nutcracker had zero physical comedy. With the name, I thought: this will be a few yuks, but no Lois. That title wrote a cheque that those queers on stage refused to cash.
Comments		- Season 5 - No Chris Left Behind


Tom Tucker		Grim news from Daytona, Florida, where the remains of three female college students were found near a nightclub. Reports suggest all three were violated sexually before being brutally murdered.
Peter		Oh man, see that? Everybody's getting laid, but me.
Comments		- Season 5 - Meet the Quagmires


Peter		Oh! Boy, does it feel good to undo my butt flap.
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels


Lois		You'll love this cake.
Stewie		None for me, thanks. It's gonna go straight to my vagina. That's what girls worry about, right - having big vaginas?
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Tom Tucker		Can a woman really be mayor? Or will she just bleed all over the city?
Comments		- Season 5 - It Takes a Village Idiot, I Married One


Salesman		Say, you look like you could use an activity book with half the activities done.
Peter		Wow, that would save me half the time.
Salesman		Connect the dots? Hah! More like set the book down and have a beer.
Comments		- Season 5 - No Meals on Wheels


Brian		Hey, hey, Lois, there's another dog in that car. Do you see that. Hey, hey, hey. Other dog! F*ck you!
Comments		- Season 5 - It Takes a Village Idiot, I Married One


Peter		Butt scratcher! Butt scratcher! Get your butt scratcher here!
Comments		- Season 5 - No Chris Left Behind


Waiter		And who had the prime rib?
Peter		I hardly think that's any of your business.
Comments		- Season 5 - Mother Tucker


Quagmire		Dear diary, jackpot.
Comments		- Season 5 - Barely Legal


Black Guy		The police are gone? We're finally safe!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Michael Saddler - Season 5 - Barely Legal


Lois		Ok if i give you ten second's of making out would let it go?
Peter		Let's see where it goes.
Comments		- Season 5 - Whistle While Your Wife Works


Peter		Lois, before I found these movies women only made me cry through my penis, now they make me cry through my eyes.
Comments		- Season 5 - Chick Cancer


Lois		Should we just ask hear how old she is?
Peter		Maybe we should just cut of her leg and count the rings.
Comments		- Season 5 - Peter's Two Dads


Chris		Mom, everyone on the TV say's you're running the town great... Maybe you could do some damn laundry once in a while.
Comments		- Season 5 - It Takes a Village Idiot, I Married One


Male Figure Skater		Man, look at your rack. I'd motorboat that. I'd motorboat the hell out of it.
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Texan		It's one of those queer-o-sexuals!
Comments		- Season 5 - Boys Do Cry


Quagmire		I've been having sex with every woman in town, non-stop for the past two days. If I tried to masturbate right now, you know what'd come out?.. A little flag with the word: Bang on it.
Comments		- Season 5 - It Takes a Village Idiot, I Married One


Lois		Something is poking my leg!
Quagmire		Shh shh shh shh... It's just my wang.
Comments		- Season 5 - Meet the Quagmires