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Eric Cartman Quotes

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Mr Garrison		Not all Muslim people are terrorists.
Cartman		No, but most of them are, and all it takes is most of them.
Comments		- Season 11 - The Snuke


Cartman		Aw, weak!
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		You f*cking Jew!
Kyle		Fat f*ck!
Comments		- Season 1 - Death



Cartman		Suck my balls!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Damon Wardwell


Cartman		It's my body, I do what I want!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Paige Taylor


Cartman		Are you sure?
Kyle		Yes!
Cartman		Are you HIV positive?
Comments		- Season 12 - Tonsil Trouble



Cartman		I'm sorry Kyle but you have the three J's...Jinger Jersey Jew.
Kyle		Shut the f*ck up fatty!!!
Comments		- Season 14 - It's a Jersey Thing


Cartman		It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation to increase the population. This type of penetration will increase the younger generation.
Comments		- Season 4 - Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?


Cartman		You need a friend. A chocolate friend.
Comments		- Season 4 - Fat Camp



Cartman		Get all of these minorities out of my water park.
Comments		- Season 13 - Pee


Cartman		I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Butters		But fellas if I dress up like a dog with a star in my eye I'm gonna get grounded.
Cartman		Shut up Butters.
Comments		- Season 8 - Good Times with Weapons


Cartman's Mom		What's wrong hun?
Cartman		Well apparently Butters is gay and is attracted to me. So he snuck in my room and gave me a hickey.
Comments


Cartman		Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Ashton Hankins


Stan		Yeah, what's there to hate about rainbows?
Cartman		Well, you know, you'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they'll come, marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass. And you'll be all like, ay! Get out of my ass you stupid rainbows!
Stan		Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
Comments		- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000


Cartman		How do I reach these kiiids?
Comments


Cartman		Kyle u dirty Jew bag!
Kyle		Shut up fat ass!
Comments		- Season 1 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig


Cartman		Meeem, I know this might sound odd but go with me on this one... Meeem, can you take me to sign up for the special olympics so I can beat all the handicap kids and win a thousand dollars?
Comments		- Season 8 - Up the Down Steriod


Cartman		Mmm! The tears of unfathomable sadness! They taste so good and sweet!
Comments		- Season 5 - Scott Tenorman Must Die


Cartman		I hate you guys, I hate you guys so much.
Comments


Cartman		Tampon dick sh*t.
Clyde		If I could say tampon dick sh*t in the class room, I would be so happy.
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Girls		We want to use the sleds now butt pirates.
Cartman		Why don't you chicks go wash some dishes or get pregnant or something.
Comments		- Season 4 - Cartman' Silly Hate Crime 2000


Kyle		I just don't get it, if it makes you crap blood why do you still eat it?
Cartman		Have you ever had chipotle?
Comments		- Season 13 - Dead Celebrities


Cartman		Westsiede!
Comments


Kyle		Wait! Isn't there some rule about not getting in the car with strangers?
Cartman		No. Not when money is envolved, stupid!
Comments		- Season 1 - Mecha-Streisand


Stan		Dude dolphins are intelligent and friendly!
Cartman		Yeah, intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
Comments


Mr Garrison		How would you like to go to the principal's office?
Cartman		How would you like to suck my balls?
Comments


Stan		Wow, this place is huge.
Kyle		Yeah almost as big as cartmans ass!
Cartman		No it isn't you guys.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Danny Vulganius


Cartman		Okay Token now give me a smooth bass line.
Token		I told you I don't know to play bass.
Cartman		Token, how many times do we have to go over this? You're black, you know how to play bass.
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Cartman		I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive.
Comments


Cartman		Why don't you girls go wash some dishes or get pregnant or something.
Comments


Kyle		One hundred thousand dollars!!!
Cartman		That's enough to buy slaves.
Comments		- Season 12 - Britney's New Look


Cartman		Respect my authoriteee!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Mallory Waters


Cartman		You're breaking my balls here.
Comments


Cartman		Ha ha ha ha, I did it! It's the greatest picture ever! I took a picture of butters weiner in my mouth! Ha ha ha, he's so gay now!
Kyle		No dude that makes you gay..
Cartman		Nu-hu,
Comments


Cartman		Crap filled vagina.
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Butters		Boy this town sure smells funny.
Cartman		Well maybe that's why it's called Ass-pen!
Comments		- Season 6 - Asspen


Mr Garrison		Does anyone know what sexual harassment is?
Cartman		When you are trying to have intercourse with a lady and someone tickles your balls from behind.
Comments


Cartman		Handle it? For two billion dollars I would handle my grandpa's balls sir.
Comments		- Season 7 - Butt Out


Cartman		Just like the victims of breast cancer there is something I would like to get off my chest.
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		What awaits everyone in heaven is eternal bliss, divine rest and ten thousand dollars cash.
Comments		- Season 9 - The Death of Eric Cartman


Cartman		I hate democrats!
Comments


Cartman		G.I.N.G.E.Rs don't have souls so they can't be pirates.
Comments		- Season 13 - Fatbeard


Cartman		Not visit Mr Jefferson anymore? Well excuse my french Mrs Marsh but you can suck my fat hairy balls.
Comments		- Season 8 - The Jeffersons


Cartman		Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Cartman		Lame!
Comments		- Season 8 - AWESOM-O


Cartman		You are a rabbit and I am a human. So if you don't bring me what I want for Easter, I can f*cking kill you!
Comments		- Season 11 - Fantastic Easter Special


Cartman		I'm not fat.
Kyle		Yes you are! You're f*cking fat, fat ass!
Comments


Chef		It seems we need to discuss a problem here.
Cartman		Ah yes the Jew problem.
Comments		- Season 11 - Lice Capades


Hotel Valet		Hey, you can't park there!
Cartman		It's ok, I'm a hall monitor!
Comments


Cartman		Screw you guys im going home!
Stan		But, Cartman we are trying to..
Cartman		Screw you guys, home.
Comments


Cartman		I am a cop and you will respect my authoritah!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kati Dery - Season 2 - Chickenlover


Kyle's Cousin		Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman		Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Comments		- Season 5 - The Entity


Cartman		Butters, you don't shoot a guy in the dick.
Comments		- Season 12 - The China Problem


Cartman		I don't give a crap about whales, so go hug a tree!
Comments		- Season 13 - Whale Whores


Cartman		Suck my balls!!!
Ms Chokesondick		Present them.
Cartman		What?
Comments		- Season 4 - 4th Grade


Cartman		Don't mind Kyle everyone, he just has a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle		There's no sand in my vagina!
Comments		- Season 5 - It Hits the Fan


Cartman		Okay our mission failed, yet we learned a lot-primarily that girls don't have balls.
Butters		They sure don't.
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Cartman		Girls don't think I'm fat, they know I'm buff.
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Mr Garrison		Apparently, we have a little problem here at the school, that we need to talk about.
Cartman		Aarh, yes, you mean the Jew problem.
Comments		- Season 11 - Lice Capades


Kyle		Cartman I thought you were going to kill yourself.
Cartman		I tried to. I turned my moms car on and slept there the whole night. F*ckin' hybrids man. They just dont do the trick.
Comments		- Season 12 - Elementary School Musical


Cartman		Kyle! I swear if I didn't have a guys hand up my ass I would leap across the room and kick you in the NUTS!
Comments


Cartman		Ooh ouch! Ma'am let go of that tight grip you have on my balls, you are breaking my balls Ma'am.
Comments		- Season 8 - Goobacks


Cartman		Kick his ass craig if u don't I will fckin butt rape you and you'll bleed from your asshole so don't fck it up. Bitch!
Kyle		Alright, Tweek now I know you don't wanna fight him but god dammit if u lose and Cartman wins the bet I will stab u in the neck.
Comments		- Season 3 - Tweek vs Craig


Butters		You think girls tuck their balls up into the inside of their tummies?
Cartman		We're done talking about girls balls now Butters. Focus!
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Cartman		No kitty this is my pot pie, no kitty! Mom! Kitty's being a little dildo!
Cartman's Mom		Well then I know a certain little kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kati Dery - Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		I slaughtered 5 baby seals with my bare hands. I do what i want!
Comments		- Season 6 - Freak Strike


Cartman		Your family is black Token, you are bound to have a bass guitar somewhere in your basement.
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Cartman		Tell em Ma.Tell em how I'm just big boned. Tell about how all the kids in your family were big boned as a child and grew out of it.
Ms Cartman		Um sweety... Those were lies. Ur just fat.
Cartman		Ayyee!!!!
Comments		- Season 4 - Fat Camp


Kyle		You can't say fck in school you fckin fat ass!
Cartman		Well why the fck not?... It's not like it hurts anybody! Fck fckity fck fck fck!
Comments		Quote Entered by: KayLee Weller


Cartman		Watch out guys! Killer tities on the loose!
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		Hey what the hell are you doing?
Kyle		Oh hey Cartman, I was just playing Dreidel! You wanna try?
Cartman		Suurrreee! I've got a little dreidel, it's small and made of clay! But I'm not gonna play with it 'cos dreidel's freaking gay!
Comments		- Season 3 - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics


Cartman		Ok do you have the essays?
Mexican		Yeah, I wrote my essay in California.
Comments


Cartman		How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr Garrison		What did you say?
Cartman		Oh I'm sorry, actually what i said was, how would you like to suck my balls Mr. Garrison?
Comments		Quote Entered by: Joe Seaward


Cartman		Hello Ma'am, we are going around town offering a snow shovelling service, would you like your driveway and sidewalks shovelled for eight thousand dollars?
Comments		- Season 8 - Goobacks


Cartman		Red rocket! Red rocket!
Comments		- Season 5 - Proper Condom Use


Cartman		You shouldn't ever use the term fag, Kyle, that's a hate word and it's insensitive to butt pilots.
Comments		- Season 13 - The Coon


Cartman		I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.
Comments		- Season 7 - Grey Dawn


Cartman		Oooh is that envy in your eye's Craig? Mmmm yes, drown me in the sweet waters of your envy.
Comments		- Season 8 - Good Times with Weapons


Officer Barbrady		You can't kidnap people and lock them in your basement.
Cartman		They're not people, they're hippies!
Comments		- Season 9 - Die Hippie, Die


Cartman		My dad was a GINGER!
Comments		- Season 14 - 201


Cartman		I'm not fat, I'm big boned!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Jake Miller


Cartman		I'm addicted to abortions!
Comments		- Season 13 - W.T.F.


Kyle		Oh my god. They are going to cut off Ike's penis.
Cartman		You don't call it a penis you call it a fireman. If you call it a penis you will get a spanking and get sent to timeout.
Comments		- Season 2 - Ike's Wee Wee


Cartman		You suck cock.
Comments		- Season 3 - Sexual Harassment Panda


Cartman		Bad kitty!
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		I'm not fat, I'm just festively plump.
Comments		- Season 1 - Mr Hankey, the Christmas Poo


Cartman		Attention shoppers, cripple fight outside.
Comments		- Season 5 - Cripple Fight


Cartman		You're a chick, dude.
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Stan		It's just that he killed 23 babies.
Crowd Member		Yeah but it was in self defense!
Cartman		He killed 23 babies in self defense?
Comments		- Season 6 - Free Hat


Cartman		And then we'll kick her in the nuts...
Butters		Turns out...girls don't have nuts.
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Stan		Oh my god! The video game caused Kenny to have a seizure!
Cartman		Dude, sweet!
Comments		- Season 3 - Chinpokomon


Cartman		Token, we are making a Christian rock band. Get your bass guitar from your basement and get to my house in 30 minutes.
Token		But, I don't have a bass guitar in my basement.
Cartman		Token. You're black. All black people have bass guitars in their basement.
Comments


Stan		We rip on everyone; like Cartman for being fat, and Cartman for being stupid, and Cartman for having a sadistic whore for a mom.
Cartman		Hey, you did me already!
Comments


Stan		Come on dude, you don't care about whales, you just want to be on TV.
Cartman		I deserve to be on TV.
Comments		- Season 13 - Whale Whores


Cartman		No Starvin' Marvin that's Kenny's cream corn.
Kenny		Mphh.
Cartman		No Starvin' Marvin that's a bad Starvin' Marvin!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Zachary LoveYa Cerio - Season 1 - Starvin' Marvin


Cartman		I'm killing you, but unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat, so it's going to take a while... Don't fight it Kyle, it'll only take longer, just slip into sweet unconsciousness.
Comments		- Season 7 - Toilet Paper


Cartman		(Talking about Rob Reiner) Isn't he awesome you guys? Dude, he just goes round imposing his will on people, he's my idle.
Comments		- Season 7 - Butt Out


Cartman		F**K off Whistling Whilly, I'm not in the mood.
Comments		- Season 8 - Quest for Ratings


Cartman		You just dealt with the Dowg, bitch!
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Cartman		Aaargh yeah, hallo please, ching chong ping pow!
Comments		- Season 12 - The China Problem


Cartman		Whats up, whats up, I crapped on your desk dowg, whats up with that?
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		Oh wow, a Jew asking for money, thats a new one.
Comments		- Season 9 - The Death of Eric Cartman


Cartman		I'm not going to heck Butters, I'm not black!
Comments		- Season 9 - The Death of Eric Cartman


Cartman		Wow, only three more hours sea-people. Only three more hours and you can take me away from this crappy, god-damn planet full of hippies.
Comments		- Season 6 - Simpsons Already Did It


Cartman		You shouldn't have done that, he's just a boy, poor little fella.
Comments


Cartman		Hmm, I can't possibly finish this whole cake, oh wait, yes I can.
Comments		- Season 2 - City on the Edge of Forever


Cartman		Yeah, Hanukah sucks!
Kyle		Don't you oppress me, fat boy!
Cartman		Don't call me fat! Buttf*cker!
Comments


Stan		You don't even know anything about Christianity.
Cartman		I know enough to exploit it.
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Cartman's Mom		Want some Cheezy Poofs honey?
Cartman		F*ck yeah, I want some god damned Cheezy Poofs!!
Comments


Cartman		NASCAR is for poor and stupid people!
Comments		- Season 14 - Poor and Stupid


Cartman		I just took a huge dump.
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		Fag!
Comments


Cartman		Whoever he is, he is one f*cking bad-ass!
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		Why does every thing need to be coming in or out of my ass today?
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		Aaaaaah! Stan you scared the piss out of me!
Comments


Cartman		That's a bad Mr Kitty, and I smack him on the head!
Comments		- Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Cartman		Do you know what this is? It's apple juice and it gives me super bad farts.
Comments


Cartman		I am the candy-master.
Stan		No, you're the ass-master, there is a difference.
Comments		- Season 1 - Pinkeye


Towelie		Don't preach to me fatso!
Cartman		Shut-up, you're a towel!
Towelie		You're a towel!
Comments		- Season 5 - Towelie


Cartman		No kitty! Those are my cheese poofs!
Comments


Cartman		Spoog, balls, bloody, vaginal belch.
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Cartman		Sh*t head, butt-hole, Mexican stinky balls
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Cartman		What do you call a Jewish woman's boobs... Joobs!
Comments


Cartman		That's right I've got a bad case of ADD no homework for me.
Comments		- Season 4 - Timmy 2000


Cartman		Mr. Garrison you can suck my balls.
Comments


Cartman		Guys, Mr. Garrison has a vagina!
Comments		- Season 9 - Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina


Cartman		Now I will use my powers to... Turn Kyle into a chicken!
Kyle		God-damnit, Cartman!
Comments		- Season 8 - Good Times with Weapons


Cartman		Ahhhhhhhh old people!
Comments		- Season 7 - Grey Dawn


Cartman		Here you can eat all you want for 6.99 that's why we all come here on Tuesday nights, except Kenny's family because to them 6.99 is 2 years income.
Comments		- Season 1 - Starvin' Marvin


Cartman		Guys we should go to black barts cave first, because we'll want to go through it a million times.
Stan		No it's Kyle's birthday, we should do what ever he wants to do first.
Cartman		What f*ck Kyle?!
Comments		- Season 7 - Casa Bonita


Cartman		Make no mistake Kyle, before this day is over you will suck my balls!
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 3


Cartman		I wasn't sleeping. I was just thinking really hard.
Comments


Cartman		Beefcake!
Guy on TV		Beefcake!
Cartman		Beefcake!
Comments		- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000


Cartman		Well fck you Kyle, I hope you die, I hope you fcking die!!!
Comments		- Season 7 - Casa Bonita


Cartman		Ey! Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Comments


Stan		Cartman will you give Kyle a kidney
Cartman		No, no, no, no, no, no!
Comments


Cartman		Well I'm half bi.
Mr Garrison		Stop it you kids aren't gay. And Eric your not half bi!
Cartman		I might be a quarter bi. My grandpa was bi so that makes me a quarter bi!
Comments		- Season 7 - South Park is Gay


Cartman		Benjamin Franklin?
Kyle		No dumb ass it's Kyle!
Cartman		Kyle. Get out of my flashback you f*cking jew.
Comments		- Season 7 - I'm a Little Bit Country


Cartman		There is a bomb threat on south park.
Officer Barbrady		Are you serious?
Cartman		If I wasn't serious would I be if if talking in a low whisper for dramatic effect?
Comments		- Season 11 - The Snuke


Cartman		I have to get detention.
Mr Garrison		Eric did you just take a crap on my desk?
Cartman		What's up what's up.
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		It's illegal for a Jew to catch snow flakes in his mouth.
Kyle		What? No. Officer Barbrady! Is it illegal for a jew to catch snowflakes in his mouth?
Officer Barbrady		Umm. Yes.
Comments


Cartman		I said shut up you blood belching vagina!... Did I just call myself a blood belching vagina?
Comments		- Season 6 - A Ladder to Heaven


Butters		Uhm fellers can I come out now all you put in here was this bucket for me to poop in. What am I supposed to eat.
Cartman		You got the bucket don't you?
Comments


Cartman		If you mess with the dawg, you'll end up like that splattered bitch down on the pavement.
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Cartman		That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
Comments


Cartman		Lying kicks ass!!!
Comments		- Season 2 - The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka


Cartman		Cripple fight!
Comments


Cartman		Greetings I am Awesome-O.
Comments		- Season 8 - AWESOM-O


Cartman		So long Justin beiber you stupid little butthole.
Comments


Cartman		Kyle you have to do this. If you want a quality friend you have to wade through all the dicks first.
Comments		- Season 14 - You Have 0 Friends


Cartman		Oh wow this is so tits!
Cartman's Mom		Don't say tits Eric.
Cartman		I mean wow this is so cool!
Comments		- Season 4 - The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000


Cartman		Mom! More hot pockets!
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		I'm a little piggy heres my snout, oink oink oink, oink oink oink.
Comments


Cartman		Mom you're not going to believe it! I put a tooth under my pillow and the tooth fairy gave me five dollars! She's only gave me a lousy quarter before!
Cartman's Mom		Oh yes and I think the tooth fairy wants you to use that money to create a savings account with compounded daily interest.
Cartman		You can compound daily my ass with interest, I'm going to the toy store and buy me a skateboard!
Comments		- Season 4 - The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000


Cartman		I hate hippies!
Comments


Kevin		I have to ride in the middle of the boat, I get motion sickness.
Cartman		Kevin, Jesus Christ...
Comments		- Season 13 - Fatbeard


Cartman		You know that feeling when you take a huge dump? Awesome.
Stan		Now are you alright?
Cartman		You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up your ass? No I'm not alright!
Comments


Clyde		This is Samolia?
Cartman		Da f*ck?!
Comments		- Season 13 - Fatbeard


Cartman		Looks like your about to get poned!
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		It's not potholes you need to worry about Mayor, it's the potheads.
Comments


Cartman		Mexican stinky balls!
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Kyle		Hey,what you doing?
Cartman		What does it look like I'm doing, I am eating my dinner?
Kyle		Oh, it looked like you where snogging a chicken!
Comments		- Season 1 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride


Cartman		Poor people don't have anything better to do than piss other people off.
Comments		- Season 6 - A Ladder to Heaven


Cartman		It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!
Comments		- Season 6 - Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society


Cartman		Kenny an American girl's mouth is the dirtiest place you can put your penis.
Comments		- Season 13 - The Ring


Cartman		I didn't get a anal prob!
Kyle		Dude yes you did!
Cartman		Screw you guys I'm going home!
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		Fck, fckity, fck fck f*ck!
Mr Garrison		How would you like to go see the school counsellor?
Cartman		How would you like to suck my balls?
Comments


Butters		Cartman quick an army of Jewish robots are taking over the town!
Cartman		Jew bots, what are they doing here?
Comments


Kyle		No! You can't give Ike a circumcision! Don't you know how important men's firemen are to them?
Cartman		Oh yes. The fireman is very magical. If you rub it's helmet, he spits in your eye!
Comments		- Season 2 - Ike's Wee Wee


Cartman		Well where the hell am I supposed to go!? I can't go to Kenny's house, I mean his family's freakin' poor!..... Ok fine I guess I'll just have to crash with you Kenny.
Kenny		F*ck you.
Comments		- Season 10 - Tsst


Stan		Cartman you suck at playing Americans vs Bosnians! From now on if you want to play, you can just play with yourself!
Cartman		That's fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day long!!
Kenny		Ahahaha!!!!
Comments		- Season 2 - Clubhouses


Cartman		Oh my God, this is Baghdad? Wow what a sh*t-hole!.. I mean wow look at all those poor, unfortunate people!
Comments		- Season 6 - Red Sleigh Down


Cartman		F*ck you hippies!
Comments


Cartman		Kyle, now suck my balls!
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 1


Cartman		Race war!
Comments		- Season 11 - With Apologies to Jesse Jackson


Cartman		Me and Kenny don't give two sh*ts about stupid ass whales.
Comments		- Season 13 - Whale Whores


Mr Garrison		Eric what are you doing?
Cartman		Just changing my condom.
Comments		- Season 5 - Proper Condom Use


Cartman		Mom, if you were in a german shaizer video, you'd tell me, right?
Cartman's Mom		Whatever you say, hun.
Comments


Cartman		The only people that listen to Jimmy Buffett are frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the south!!!
Comments


Cartman		You can just suck my balls teacher!
Ms Chokesondick		Present them.
Comments


Cartman		F*ck you Token, you black asshole!
Comments		- Season 7 - Christian Rock Hard


Cartman		Maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O!
Kyle		What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?
Cartman		Because Jews don't believe in heaven.
Comments		- Season 6 - A Ladder to Heaven


Cartman		Kyle if I didnt have some guys hand in my ass I would come over there and kick you in the nuts!
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		But mom, what about all those stories you told me of how everyone in your family was chubby when they were young, then slimmed out?
Ms Cartman		No, honey, those were lies. You're fat.
Comments		- Season 4 - Fat Camp


Cartman		I told you Jewish people don't have rhythm.
Kyle		F*ck off, Cartman!!!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Marlon Perez - Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Cartman		I will kick you square in the nuts!
Comments


Cartman		Mom?
Cartman's Mom		What is it honey?
Cartman		Well, Butters is gay and finds me attractive.
Comments


Cartman		Thank you for finally coming on my show wendy.
Wendy		Yeah well, Butters pee'd on my house.
Comments		- Season 13 - Dances with Smurfs


Cartman		Before this is over Kyle, you will suck my balls!
Kyle		I'm not doing it Cartman!
Cartman		We had a deal Kyle!
Comments


Cartman		I'm not fat! It's my life choice.
Comments


Cartman		Gingers don't have souls.
Comments


Cartman		Westsieda!
Comments


Cartman		Gingers are creepy.
Comments


Cartman		I'm not a minor, dumbass. Do you see a shovel in my hand?
Comments		- Season 7 - Red Man's Greed


Girls		It's our turn on the sleds ass farmers.
Stan		Sleds are for guys.
Cartman		Why don't you go shopping or get pregnant or something.
Comments		- Season 4 - Cartman' Silly Hate Crime 2000


Cartman		Gingers have no souls!
Comments


Cartman		Do you guys just want to stay outside and toss a ball around all day or do you want to sit at your computer and do something that matters.
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		I'll kick you in the nuts.
Comments


Kyle		Wow dude, this house is huge.
Stan		Yea, it's bigger than Cartman's ass.
Cartman		No it isn't you guys.
Comments		- Season 2 - Cow Days


Cartman		Maaam! Ben Affleck just spooched all over my bed!
Comments		- Season 7 - Fat Butt and Pancake Head


Butters		Boy, it sure is stinky in here.
Cartman		Yea, well 300 gallons of poop isn't gonna smell like a garden Butters.
Comments		- Season 6 - My Future Self n' Me


Cartman		I think I even saw a native american, gross!
Comments		- Season 13 - Pee


Cartman		Woah Wendy calm down your breast might start killing people!
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		Thank you, your honour. This isn't a victory for me this is a victory for the justice system... And my balls.
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 1


Cartman		More cheesy poofs!
Comments


Cartman		Butters, you gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time you could miss it.
Butters		Yeah I guess thats true.
Comments		- Season 12 - Super Fun Time


Cartman		Aw man, that is so tits!
Comments


Cartman		Well mom, butters finds me attractive and gave me a hickey. Then, confused about his sexuality, barfed all over my carpet .
Cartman's Mom		Oh dear.
Cartman		Yes.
Comments


Cartman		I'm such a beefcake I can't even fit through the door!
Comments		- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000


Cartman		But art is for fags.
Butters		Well, I like art!
Cartman		See?
Comments


Cartman		Mr garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?
Comments		- Season 1 - Starvin' Marvin


Cartman		Thats okay im done makin my video anyways.
Comments


Cartman		At exactly 1:00 pm Nelly will walk through the hall and Stan will sound the distraction. At exactly that point Butters will go up to her and kick her in the balls.
Butters		Neato!
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Cartman		Dude it smells like ass out here.
Comments		- Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Stan		Oh my god you ate Kenny!
Cartman		...Shut up!?
Comments		- Season 6 - A Ladder to Heaven


Cartman		How do I reach these keeeeeds?!
Comments


Cartman		Sucky sucky 5 dollar?
Comments		- Season 2 - Cow Days


Stan		Dude, is Kyle's dad a dolphin?
Cartman		He's a Jewish dolphin... A jewphin.
Comments		- Season 8 - The Passion of the Jew


Cartman		God-damn hippies!
Comments		- Season 9 - Die Hippie, Die


Butters		We're being bullied way too much!
Kyle		We need protection!
Cartman		What the hell do we need condoms for?
Comments


Cartman		Good one guys, good one. Good one guys, good one.
Stan		Dude you have a 40 yard probe sticking out of your ass!
Cartman		I know your kidding!
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Stan		Ma'am do you have a rag and some bandages?
Woman		Oh my, what happened?
Cartman		Shovelling accident.
Comments


Cartman		But maaaaaaammm!
Comments		- Season 8 - Pre-School


Cartman		Bear mace that bitch!
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Cartman		Get the fudge out!!
Comments


Cartman		Ooh Kyle! What are you doing to my balls? You naughty girl!
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 3


Cartman		I caught the following images on tape. I warn you, these images maybe be to shocking for young children.
Butters		Wooh ok I'm not looking.
Comments


Cartman		Kyle, I just want you to know, if it was any other time of the year, I still wouldn't help you.
Comments		- Season 7 - It's Christmas in Canada


Kyle		Oh my god dude, Phonics Monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman		Damn straight he did.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Justin TheBoss Martin - Season 3 - Hooked on Monkey Phonics


Cartman		Well just so you know i havent taken a shower in weeks so my balls are extra...vinagery.
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 3


Cartman		I clocked you at 40 miles an hour back there ... You know what the speed is hmmya?
Randy		We'll, according to that sign right there it's 40 miles an hour.
Cartman		Step out of the car please sir.
Comments		- Season 2 - Chickenlover


FBI Agent		Cool?! That ship has enough plutonium on board to blow up a small city. Do you think that's cool?
Cartman		Totally!
Comments		- Season 3 - Starvin' Marvin in Space


Butters		But I'm the only one down here what am I supposed to repopulate with?
Cartman		Well you know with your wiener.
Comments		- Season 7 - Casa Bonita


Kyle		That isn't it Cartman.
Cartman		What isn't it?
Kyle		That's not being nice that's, just putting on a nice sweater.
Comments		- Season 7 - Casa Bonita


Cartman		You just delt with the doowg!
Comments


Store Clerk		Hey I remember you coming on here a week ago and buying this much toilet paper.
Kyle		Dude you tee-pee'd a house last week?
Cartman		No, last friday was fajitas night...
Comments


Cartman		Don't call me a bitch! I'll pop your f*ckin' head off!
Stan		Oh yeah? Bring it, p*ssy!
Cartman		Oh, I brought it, bitch! I brought it, set it down on the table, and opened it, bitch!
Comments


Cartman		Dragon wind to blackie, what's your six, blackie?
Token		I don't want the codename blackie.
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 1


Cartman		Hey guys, check out my pubes!
Kyle		Cartman, you're supposed to grow them yourself!
Cartman		Goddammit!
Comments		- Season 5 - Scott Tenorman Must Die


Cartman		Guys we're a boy band.
Stan		Aww come on, nobody will notice.
Cartman		Well what about her huge freaking hooters, huh?
Comments		Quote Entered by: KayLee Weller - Season 4 - Something You Can Do With Your Finger


Spanish Girls		Why don't you take a peecture?
Cartman		Ok Cleeek.
Comments		- Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Cartman		Jesus was made of crackers?
Comments		- Season 4 - Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?


Cartman		You guys, I found it, the brown noise!
Comments		- Season 3 - World Wide Recorder Concert


Cartman		Do I accept? Does the Pope make the world a safer place for pedaphiles?
Comments		- Season 14 - Medicinal Fried Chicken


Cartman		Apparently your girlfriend ia a notourious whore kenny.
Kenny		Woohooo.
Cartman		Well he took it pretty well.
Comments		- Season 13 - The Ring


Cartman		One time I took the priests sandwich and took the piece of ham out and wiped it in-between my butt cheeks.
Priest		Grrrrr.
Cartman		And another time I went pee pee in the holy water and watched the priest bless himself with it for 2 weeks.
Comments		- Season 4 - Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?


Cartman		Minorities, Mexicans and Asians, black people I think I even saw a native americain! Gross!
Comments		- Season 13 - Pee


Clyde		What shall we do with the one videotape?
Kevin		We could use it to power our star cruisers.
Cartman		God dammit Kevin.
Comments		- Season 6 - The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers


Cartman		Maaaaam.
Cartman's Mom		What is it hon.
Cartman		Well apparently Butters is now gay, finds me very attractive and confused about his sexualty puked all over my floor.
Comments


Cartman		Butters, only gay dweebs read the funnys.
Butters		Ya, i read them all the time.
Comments


Cartman		Mom!
Cartman's Mom		What is it honey buns?
Cartman		Don't take me to a black doctor.
Comments


Cartman		Stan wants to kiss Wendy testeburger.
Stan		Shut up fat ass I don't even like her.
Cartman		I'm not fat and you obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you.
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		The lazy river was never lazier. The Lazy River was never lazier
Comments		- Season 13 - Pee


Cartman		You guys, Mr Garrison has titties!
Comments		- Season 9 - Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina


Cartman		Another rape in the park. Looks like a job for the Coon.
Comments		- Season 13 - The Coon


Special Olympic Official		What's his disability
Cartman's Mom		Let me ask.. Honey what's your disability?
Cartman		How the hell am I suppost to know! Im retarded! Durr!
Comments


Ms. Cartman		Hi, hun! You want some Cheesy Poofs?
Cartman		Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs!
Comments


Cartman		Token people like to see African Americans on TV, see them not hear them.
Token		What do you mean.
Cartman		You need to talk more white.
Comments		- Season 8 - Quest for Ratings


Cartman		I will make you eat your parents!
Stan		Dude he will!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Nicholas Dennis


Cartman		Frozen waffles and no side dishes!?
Comments		- Season 2 - Chickenpox


Cartman		Your Hella stupid!
Comments		- Season 2 - Spookyfish


Cartman		Hello principal victoria... Ass pussy!
Kyle		Did Cartman just say ass pussy to the principal?
Clyde		If I could say ass pussy to the principal I would be so happy.
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Cartman		Taco bender!
Comments		- Season 10 - Tsst


Cartman		I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy poofs, if we didn't eat, we'd be laammmeeeee!
Comments		- Season 2 - Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods


Kyle		You guys I got awesome news...
Cartman		You've got AIDS?
Comments		- Season 7 - Casa Bonita


Cartman		I'll roshambo you for it.
Comments


Cartman		I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, hey! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Comments


Cartman		That's hella lame.
Comments		- Season 2 - Spookyfish


Cartman		So long Justin Bieber, you stupid little butthole.
Comments


Cartman		What's to understand you get a boner slap her tities around a little stick it inside her and pee.
Kyle		Stick it inside her and pee?
Cartman		Ok if you don't wanna get her pregnant pull it out and pee on her leg.
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Jimmy Buffet		How are y'all doing tonight?
Cartman		Fck you Jimmy buffet! You fckin' suck!
Comments		- Season 12 - Tonsil Trouble


Cartman		Kyle how would you like it if there was a show that made fun of Jews all the time?!
Comments		- Season 10 - Cartoon Wars Part 1


Cartman		Muuuuuum! Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!
Cartman's Mom		Well, looks like the tooth fairy was extra happy with you.
Comments		- Season 7 - Fat Butt and Pancake Head


Stan		Christmas is about one very important thing.
Cartman		Yeah, ham.
Stan		No not ham, you fat f*ck, presents.
Comments		- Season 4 - A Very Crappy Christmas


Cartman		Jews can't play basketball!
Comments


Chris Hansen		Why don't you take a seat?
Cartman		No Mr Hansen I...
Chris Hanson		Take a seat right over here.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Matt Shifflett - Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Cartman		We'll have to do it without him.
Kyle		Hell no, I'm not being in a four member boy band, we'll look stupid!
Comments		- Season 4 - Something You Can Do With Your Finger


Cartman		Shut up f*ckin Jew
Mr Garrison		Erik did you just say the f word?
Cartman		Jew?
Comments		Quote Entered by: KayLee Weller


Stan		Dude do you realize what this means? You drank Kenny!!
Cartman		Shut up!
Comments


Cartman		Now let's go catch us some hippies.
Kyle		You mean terrorists.
Cartman		Hippies terrorists same damn thing.
Comments


Principle Victoria		All we ask is for you to keep the morning announcements shorter.
Cartman		Yeah, but Gordon got to be on for 5 min, that one time.
Mr Mackey		Well that's because he was being murdered.
Comments		- Season 13 - Dances with Smurfs


Cartman		F*ck.
Cartman's Mom		Erik!
Cartman		I can't help it, that movie has warped my fragile little mind.
Comments


Butters		Cartman come quick! It's another army of jewbots!
Cartman		Jewbots?! What are they doing here?! Flame on!
Comments		- Season 13 - Fishsticks


Cartman		Dressing as hitler is cool.
Comments		- Season 1 - Pinkeye


Cartman		Cartoons kick ass!
Comments


Cartman		Fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day long.
Kenny		Ha ha ha.
Cartman		What?
Comments		- Season 2 - Clubhouses


Cartman		Do you remember what happened to the last people the Germans were pissed off at?! Tell 'em Kyle!
Comments


Cartman		Looks like someones on the rag huh mom?
Comments		- Season 15 - You're Getting Old


Token		I don't want the code name Blacky!
Cartman		Code names are what they are Blacky.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Amy Lucero - Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 1


Cartman		I'm gonna get that hallway defying sl*t if it's the last thing I do.
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Cartman		You can't give us detention.
Art Teacher		Yes I can I'm your teacher.
Cartman		You're an art teacher.
Comments		- Season 7 - Toilet Paper


Cartman		Drugs are bad because hippies do drugs, and if you do drugs, your a hippie.
Comments		- Season 2 - Ike's Wee Wee


Cartman		Donkey balls!
Comments


Butters		Who are you talking about?
Cartman		My cousin. My cousin, one time my cousin and I touched wieners! Ahhh!
Butters		You and your cousin touched wieners?
Comments		Quote Entered by: Nich Dever - Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Cartman		Whatever! I do what I want!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Adir Slekman - Season 6 - Freak Strike


Cartman		I can only swim doggy style.
Lifeguard		That's doggy paddle.
Comments		- Season 2 - The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka


Cartman		I caught these two making out in the hall, without a hall pass.
Principal Victoria		Oh my God!
Cartman		Yeah. It's like hall passes don't matter anymore.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Joe Aparicio


Stan		Cartman wouldn't know a rainforest from a pop-tart!
Cartman		Yeah I do! Pop-tarts are frosted!
Comments


Kyle		Oh yeah i bet your gonna sit on the couch and eat cheesy poofs assmaster!
Cartman		Screw you hippie!
Comments		- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000


Stan		What's the point of living when the only girl I'll ever love is gone?
Cartman		God, what a fag!
Comments		- Season 7 - Raisins


Stan		Dolphins are way smarter than you!
Cartman		If there so smart why do they live in igloos?
Comments		- Season 1 - Weight Gain 4000


Cartman		I'm the Dowg the big bad Dowg... The Hallway Monitor.
Comments		- Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Cartman		Screw you guys, I'm going to be home schooled.
Comments		- Season 3 - Hooked on Monkey Phonics


Butters		Clyde here's a 100 bucks, if Stan comes near me punch him.
Cartman		Dude we've created a monster.
Comments		- Season 13 - Butters' Bottom Bitch


Cartman		Oh God Kyle, why don't you just sit under a rainbow and write a poem?
Comments		- Season 13 - Butters' Bottom Bitch


Cartman		Ok, Ms Chokesonrocks.
Ms Chokesondick		It's Chokesondick!
Comments


Kyle		You are such a manipulative asshole, Cartman!
Cartman		Yes but I'm not going to die.
Comments		- Season 9 - Ginger Kids


Cartman		My balls are dry.
Comments


Butters		I don't play World of Warcraft.
Cartman		But you said you're on your computer all the time.
Butters		Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Cartman		You guys! I am proud to say I am the first one of us to hit puberty.
Kyle		What?
Cartman		I just got my period!
Comments		- Season 3 - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus


Cartman		Mmmm Kyle's money.
Comments


Cartman		There are mexicans all around me! The lazy river has never been lazier!
Comments		- Season 13 - Pee


Choir Instructor		Kids we made it to the rainforest.
Cartman		Ew! It smells like ass out nya!
Comments		- Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Cartman		I have authority?
Guy		Yes. And people should respect you for that.
Stan		Nothings worse than Cartman with authority!
Comments		- Season 3 - Jackovasaurus


Kyle		Did cartman just crap treasure?
Cartman		It's mine it's all mine. I ate it and, got it out the cave.
Cave Director		That looks like the fake gold in the cave. All and all I think it's worth about $14.00.
Comments		- Season 10 - ManBearPig


Cartman		Even the authorities. Are minorities. At my water park.
Comments


Rick		Hello Camper, my name is Rick, how are you?
Cartman		Well, I'm pissed off Rick! How are you?
Rick		I'm doing great.
Comments		- Season 4 - Fat Camp


Craig		We're super duper triple-dog gay!
Cartman		Oh yeah? Well we're ultra super stamp it no erasies mega gay!
Comments		- Season 7 - South Park is Gay


Cartman		I have an idea, lets stick a stick up her ass and use it like a doll!
Kyle		Thats it cartman, she's my grandma! Show some damn respect!
Comments		- Season 3 - Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery


Cartman		Before this is over Kyle, you will suck my balls.
Comments		- Season 11 - Imaginationland Episode 1


Cartman		Don't believe gingers are evil? Judas was a Ginger and what did he do? Oh nothing much just got Jesus killed that's all.
Comments		- Season 9 - Ginger Kids


Cartman		I'm your brah, she's your bitch, I don't wanna hurt my brah's bitch.
Comments		- Season 12 - Breast Cancer Show Ever


Cartman		Hello you fag go and do your mum up the arse
Kyle		Shut up fat boy
Cartman		Dont call me fat you fat gew
Comments		- Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Cartman		Your not that ugly
Shelley		You don't think so?
Cartman		Well, you're pretty ugly.
Comments		- Season 3 - Cat Orgy


Cartman		Kyle you stupid jew!
Kyle		Shut up fat ass!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Alex Hawkins - Season 1 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe


Stan		Cartman why did you hang Clyde bye his feet to the flag pole!?
Cartman		He called me chubby!
Comments


Cartman		You gotta send it back it'll choke on our air of sweet freedom!
Comments		- Season 5 - Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants


Cartman		I need more Vagisil!
Comments		- Season 14 - Poor and Stupid


Cartman		I learnt everything there is to know about being poor and stupid I'm ready for NASCAR.
Comments		- Season 14 - Poor and Stupid


Cartman		Butters only gay little freaks read the funnies.
Butters		Yeah, I read them all the time!
Comments		- Season 8 - Quest for Ratings


Cartman		Kenny face it, girls don't wanna eat poptarts for dinner every night when they get married.
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Kyle		Prepare to lose, fatboy!
Cartman		Your going to be eating those words, Jew.
Kyle		No I won't, because you'd eat them first, tubby!
Comments		- Season 3 - Tweek vs Craig


Tourette's Counselor		Piss out my ass!
Cartman		Yeah! Piss out your ass, onto Kyle's moms fat f*cking Jew face! Cough, cough, oh my. That was a bad one.
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Kyle		Token sings?
Cartman		Of course he sings he's black.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Daniel Merrychristmas Urbina


Cartman		Craig, you can watch Red Racer every day of the week!
Craig		I do watch Red Racer every day of the week.
Comments		- Season 3 - Tweek vs Craig


Craig		You're just saying that because you know you're gonna be very last on the list!
Cartman		I don't think so Craig! Chicks think I'm way hotter than you!
Craig		You don't think they put the fat tub of lard at the bottom?
Comments		- Season 11 - The List


Cartman		Oh please Craig! We're ten times gayer than you!
Craig		Oh yeah!? We're super duper triple dog gay!!
Comments		- Season 7 - South Park is Gay


Cartman		Guys you can't give-up on the world...of Warcraft
Comments		- Season 10 - Make Love, Not Warcraft


Mr Abootman		What the fuck am I supposed to do with theoretical money?
Butters		We worked hard to get that theoretical money! Everyone thinks I'm a homo now!
Cartman		Butters, you are a homo.
Comments		- Season 12 - Canada on Strike


Cartman		Kyle!
Kyle		Dude, the acid...I'm totally tripping balls!
Ike		Totally tripping balls!
Comments		- Season 10 - Smug Alert!


Cartman		Poor people tend to live in clusters.
Comments		- Season 2 - Chickenlover


Butters		Yeah, everyone thinks im a homo now!
Cartman		You are a homo Butters.
Comments		- Season 12 - Canada on Strike


Cartman		I've got a golden ticket!
Comments		- Season 11 - Le Petit Tourette


Kyle		Yeah, you should totally go to Somalia.
Cartman		Yeah... Wait a second, if you think it's such a good idea, then why don't you go?
Kyle		Because, Jews can't be pirates.
Comments		- Season 13 - Fatbeard


Cartman		Goodbye Butters. You were a good friend to me. I'll miss you. Goodbye....
Butters		Uh, Cartman? You're still here.
Cartman		God dammit what do you want now? I want my eternal bliss and ten thousand dollars!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Kati Dery - Season 9 - The Death of Eric Cartman


Cartman		Oh my god, it smells like ass out here!
Choir Teacher		Eric, you stop making fun of other peoples culture right now!
Cartman		I didn't say anything about their culture, I just said that their city smells like ass.
Comments		- Season 3 - Rainforest Schmainforest


Cartman		Hey guys! I have a dad!
Stan		I thought your mom was your dad because she had a penis.
Cartman		What!!!
Comments


Stan		Kenny is high on life now.
Kyle		Man he is really high on life.
Cartman		Man he is super high on life.
Comments		- Season 12 - Major Boobage


Cartman		I am the dawg, the big bad dawg.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Alex Cooke - Season 10 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy


Chief Runsthepremise		I'm sorry, minors aren't allowed on the casino floor.
Cartman		I'm not a miner, dumbass! Do you see a shovel in my hand?
Comments		Quote Entered by: Juliee-Anna Persephone Shepard


Cartman		Suck my asshole! Taco-bender!
Comments		- Season 10 - Tsst


Cartman		Come on butters you dumb Jew!
Butters		Yeah I'm a dumb Jew.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Daniel Merrychristmas Urbina - Season 10 - Smug Alert!


Easter Bunny		Don't you think thats a little to much?
Cartman		You don't get to decide what is to much your a bunny and I'm a human that means if you don't bring me what I want I can f*cking kill you!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Mirissa Soliz - Season 11 - Fantastic Easter Special


Kyle		Aww. Suck my balls Cartman.
Cartman		I will. I will suck your balls Kyle. I will suck them dry.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Noah Mays - Season 10 - Go God Go XII


Cartman		Butters, let go of my hand. I don't want people to think we're gay.
Comments		Quote Entered by: Andrew Hutchinson - Season 12 - Super Fun Time


Cartman		She smelled my finger and puked!
Comments


Cartman		I have programmed Tivo to record over 50 hours of the History Channel, when Tivo is full, both Tivo and I will be dropped into the water combining our electro-whatever-fields and sending me into a flash back of history.
Comments		- Season 7 - I'm a Little Bit Country


Stan		Why does it smell like crap?
Cartman		I guess that's why they call it Asspen!
Comments


Jimmy		Do you like fish sticks?
Cartman		Yes I like fish sticks.
Jimmy		So you're a gay fish!
Comments		Quote Entered by: Ulises Aguayo - Season 13 - Fishsticks


Cartman		What are you guys doing?
Harry Potter Kid		We're playing Harry Potter!
Cartman		Ha! Fags!
Comments		- Season 6 - The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers


Cartman		What ever!, I'll do what I want!
Comments		- Season 6 - Freak Strike


Cartman		Guys! I had my period!
Kyle		Whats a period?
Cartman		Its when you go through puberty and bleed out your ass.
Comments		- Season 3 - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus


Cartman		I am awesom-o three thousand.
Comments


Cartman		He's cheesing his f*cking balls off, dude!
Comments		- Season 12 - Major Boobage


Cartman		They mostly come at night, mostly.
Comments		- Season 3 - Cat Orgy


Cartman		Everything fun in life costs at least 8 dollars.
Comments


Stan		Cartman, quit looking at Butters's shlong!
Cartman		I'm not looking at his shlong, I'm seeing how to put on a condom!
Comments