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Alan Partridge Quotes
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Played by: Steve Coogan
| Alan |
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 Pass me the apple pie and remove yourself from the theatre of conflict.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Pass me the apple pie and remove yourself from the theatre of conflict." ',232,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Michael |
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Hands of cocks, up with socks!
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| Alan |
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It's alright Lynn, it's just an old army saying. Give us another one.
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| Michael |
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Kill! Kill! Stab! Twist! Kill!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/simon-greenall.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Michael: "Hands of cocks, up with socks!" Alan: "It\'s alright Lynn, it\'s just an old army saying. Give us another one." Michael: "Kill! Kill! Stab! Twist! Kill!" ',233,0)) - Season 2 - The Colour Of Alan
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| Alan |
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Woh! Woh! Woh! Thats English for stop a horse.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Woh! Woh! Woh! Thats English for stop a horse." ',234,0)) - Season 2 - The Colour Of Alan
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| Alan |
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Monkey Tennis?
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Monkey Tennis?" ',5039,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Susan |
Alan, did you send Sophie a valentines card?
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| Alan |
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Oh no, I'm old enough to be her Father, well her older Brother. Either way, it's incest.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/logo_for_fb.png',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Susan: "Alan, did you send Sophie a valentines card?" Alan: "Oh no, I\'m old enough to be her Father, well her older Brother. Either way, it\'s incest." ',210,0)){kind=logo} - Season 1 - Alan Attraction
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| Alan |
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Kiss my face!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Kiss my face!" ',212,0)) - Season 1 - Watership Alan
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| Alan |
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I felt like a ruddy idiot.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I felt like a ruddy idiot." ',218,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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I just hate the general public.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I just hate the general public." ',219,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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No way, you big spastic! You're mentalist!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "No way, you big spastic! You\'re mentalist!" ',217,0)) - Season 1 - To Kill A Mocking Alan
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| Alan |
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I guess that if you were to execute a hawk, the most humane way would be death by a firing squad!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I guess that if you were to execute a hawk, the most humane way would be death by a firing squad!" ',211,0)) - Season 1 - Alan Attraction
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| Alan |
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Back of the net!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Back of the net!" ',228,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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Don't smile, you've broken your neck!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Don\'t smile, you\'ve broken your neck!" ',231,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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This would make a good murder weapon. You could hit them round the head with it. Then eat the evidence.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "This would make a good murder weapon. You could hit them round the head with it. Then eat the evidence." ',220,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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Unbelievable!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Unbelievable!" ',221,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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I've got a girlfriend, she's only 33, cash back!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I\'ve got a girlfriend, she\'s only 33, cash back!" ',229,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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You have minor woman's whiplash.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "You have minor woman\'s whiplash." ',230,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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That was Big Yellow Taxi, by Jodie Mitchell. A song in which Jodie complains that they paved paradise, to put up a parking lot. A measure that would have actually alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "That was Big Yellow Taxi, by Jodie Mitchell. A song in which Jodie complains that they paved paradise, to put up a parking lot. A measure that would have actually alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise." ',202,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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Dry skin cream? I had an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Dry skin cream? I had an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack." ',204,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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Hello is that reception? Hi Susan, can you make pornography come on my television, please.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Hello is that reception? Hi Susan, can you make pornography come on my television, please." ',213,0)) - Season 1 - Watership Alan
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| Alan |
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What's rude about a body?
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| Sophie |
Tits?
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "What\'s rude about a body?" Sophie: "Tits?" ',216,0)) - Season 1 - To Kill A Mocking Alan
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| Sweaty Raphael |
That was a long time ago.
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| Alan |
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That's what Nazi war criminals say.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/logo_for_fb.png',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Sweaty Raphael: "That was a long time ago." Alan: "That\'s what Nazi war criminals say." ',224,0)){kind=logo} - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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Balls out of the bath on this one.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Balls out of the bath on this one." ',225,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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Alright guys! Did you see the match?
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| Builder |
Which one?
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| Alan |
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Don't know.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Alright guys! Did you see the match?" Builder: "Which one?" Alan: "Don\'t know." ',227,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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| Alan |
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Give me a second season, you sh*t!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Give me a second season, you sh*t!" ',208,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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Well Sonia, that was classic intercourse. So err, so thanks!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Well Sonia, that was classic intercourse. So err, so thanks!" ',235,0)) - Season 2 - Bravealan
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| Sonja |
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Today it's difficult day for me at coffee shop, there is new stock coming and I have to cut the carrot cake.
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| Alan |
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And they say nurses have it tough.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/amelia-bullmore.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Sonja: "Today it\'s difficult day for me at coffee shop, there is new stock coming and I have to cut the carrot cake." Alan: "And they say nurses have it tough." ',236,0)) - Season 2 - Bravealan
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| Alan |
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Ooooh, butter my ass!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Ooooh, butter my ass!" ',241,0)) - Season 2 - Never Say Alan Again
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| Alan |
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It actually says 'cock piss partridge'.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "It actually says \'cock piss partridge\'." ',203,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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I've been working like a Japanese prison of war... but a happy one.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I\'ve been working like a Japanese prison of war... but a happy one." ',205,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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Smell my cheese! Smell my cheese, you mother!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Smell my cheese! Smell my cheese, you mother!" ',209,0)) - Season 1 - A Room With An Alan
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| Alan |
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This country!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "This country!" ',215,0)) - Season 1 - Basic Alan
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| Alan |
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That's saaaaaaad!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "That\'s saaaaaaad!" ',237,0)) - Season 2 - Bravealan
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| Alan |
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Don't rub your fanny on me!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Don\'t rub your fanny on me!" ',238,0)) - Season 2 - Bravealan
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| Alan |
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Absol-bloody-lutely!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Absol-bloody-lutely!" ',239,0)) - Season 2 - Never Say Alan Again
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| Alan |
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I love you, in a way.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I love you, in a way." ',240,0)) - Season 2 - Never Say Alan Again
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| Alan |
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I don't like big feet, they remind me of gammon.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "I don\'t like big feet, they remind me of gammon." ',242,0)) - Season 2 - I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
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| Some Woman |
You have a lot of issues.
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| Alan |
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Yeah, of What Car magazine.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/logo_for_fb.png',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Some Woman: "You have a lot of issues." Alan: "Yeah, of What Car magazine." ',244,0)){kind=logo} - Season 2 - Alan Wide Shut
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| Alan |
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Ding Dong
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Ding Dong" ',499,0)) |
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| Alan |
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That's a million pounds, Jurassic Park!
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "That\'s a million pounds, Jurassic Park!" ',222,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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So what do people think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "So what do people think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?" ',223,0)) - Season 1 - Towering Alan
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| Alan |
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Guess which one of you two I'm now about to sleep with.
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![Publish to Facebook Wall](javascript:publish_feed('http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/quotes/im-alan-partridge/','http://www.showmefunny.co.uk/images/actors/p109.jpg',' ','I\'m Alan Partridge Quotes','Alan: "Guess which one of you two I\'m now about to sleep with." ',226,0)) - Season 2 - The Talented Mr Alan
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