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Karl Pilkington

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An Idiot Abroad The Ricky Gervais Show

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteCongress tart!Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteJust saying 'waste not, want not', I don't think it's that good. It's not even that catchy.Close Quote
Ricky Ricky Open QuoteHow would you word it?Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteWoah, woah, don't be chucking that out, you might need that later.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Charity
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteI saw a leg, sticking out of a door way, thought 'here we go'. Walked past it, you're not going to believe this... Homeless, Chinese fella. I've seen one of them.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Charity
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteThere was John the Screw.Close Quote
Ricky Ricky Open QuoteHe had sex a lot? Or he worked in a prison?Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteNo he had a DIY shop.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - The Diary
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteHe slept in a rubber dinghy.Close Quote
Stephen Stephen Open QuoteWhy did he sleep in a rubber dinghy?Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteHe just liked boats and stuff.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Cobblers
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteHe's the one who lived in a bed sit and he had two tellies. He had one that the sound didn't work on and one that the picture didn't. But both together... it worked.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Cobblers
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI don't normally cook at home. I leave it all to Suzanne. The deal is, she does the cooking, I wash up. But we've got a dishwasher now. So I don't really do anything.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Peru
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteD'you know like they say people have sixth senses?Close Quote
Ricky Ricky Open QuoteYeah.Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteThere's loads more than that.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Space Monkey
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteI'm surprised that no companies have thought about sponsoring the homeless. Something like a clothing company. Give them some clothes, put an advert on the back. Everyone's a winner.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Nuts
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteRead in a free newspaper that hedgehogs could be gone by 2025. I think I've seen more dead hedgehogs than aline ones anyway, so I won't miss them.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Nuts
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteToo many Chinese cooks spoils the broth.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Nuts
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIt's like when you're scared of your boss, you imagine him naked don't you?Close Quote
Ricky Ricky Open QuoteYou work for Rupert Murdoch, Karl. You're imagining him naked now aren't you? What's he look like?Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteLike a turtle without it's shell.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteJust what you want, innit? Imagine that, being Jesus, being taken, you know, your life's gonna end, you've got someone with a recorder. It's the worst sound going, innit? It's the worst instrument, that. I'd say 'Do it here".Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Mexico
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteEverything that we've done, they've gone, right we're gonna do it weirder.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI don't think I've ever felt this lost... Even in Whales.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteYeah, it smells more Chinesey now... Sort of sweet and sour.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIf you're not happy looking a knob in the face, there's something wrong.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteMy mam told me to be an Hell's Angel, you got to sh*t in your pants. You have to sh*t in your pants and keep 'em on for a week.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThis is pretty sh*t, init? You're meant to be able to see it from the moon, aren't you, the Great Wall? Would you want to?Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteBeing honest with you, it's not the Great Wall, it's the alright wall. It's the Alright Wall of ChinaClose Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteYou know, you can see it (The Great Wall) for miles. It goes on for miles over the hills. But so does the M6.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteWas that a massage? I don't know, or was I just being mugged?Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI didn't think China was gonna be like this. I thought it was gonna be more... Like I said, I thought it was where they made the iPod. I think I've got the wrong place because this ain't a place where they need an iPod... Have a toilet roll first.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open Quote(Looking at the Pyramids) It's like a game of Jenga that's got out of hand.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThey don't have chocolate eggs here. I mean, for me that's what Easter is. Take the eggs away, its Friday.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Mexico
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteChicken... Why is it orange in China Town?Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI've got enough friends. I've always said you only need seven mates to get you through life, that's it. I've mentioned Snow White with the midgets. She had them all covered in seven.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Brazil
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteYou don't see that in the brochure, do you? A sh*tty old nappy whizzing through the air. They tend to leave that out.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteSo I meet this bloke, a local fella called Richard. Tiny, you think he's miles away. Turns out he's about four foot, so he seemed further away than he actually was.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteBit grey, isn't it? Is today a cloudy dad or is this pollution? It's not worth having this in HD, nothing looks crisp.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIf that (Pyramids) was on my road the council would be on it, they would be like, get that down, it's a death trap.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThere alphabet is not like ours. There's is like someone testing out a biro.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteWhen you said about the helicopter, I've just said I enjoyed it, that's all... Yeah, and the Jesus thing was alright.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteHe said all the badness that was in me, was transfered to the guinea pig. So somewhere, there's a guinea pig walking around with major sh*ts.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI mean, is it normal to have sweaty ears? I've never had a sweaty ear in my life.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Brazil
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteHow much is it to stay here for the night?Close Quote
Guy Open Quote4 pounds point 5.Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteHave you got anything for 6 pounds.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Brazil
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIt's like cladding, for a cave.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Jordan
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIt just seems mad that they've got planes, when they haven't got runways. Like people on Bullseye who used to win boats, when they live in a block of flats.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteIt's been interesting, Steve. I've learned a lot. I've seen a lot, I've done a lot... I've shat a lot.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI stayed at a place that had an en-suite shed.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteNo one I know has ever been rushing around going into Body Shop saying, 'you haven't got any cow sh*t soap, have you?' It's not needed. It's not necessary in life.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI learnt that babies in China, a lot of 'em have square heads.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteLouis Armstrong did that What A Wonderful World song... I don't know what he's going on about.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteA little elephant going down the street there. I can't imagine them being that good as a way of getting about. To me that's like how people moan in London about people having four-by-fours. You don't need an animal of that size to get about, it's way to big.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThey just overload the bikes so much, that you just kinda think, get a van.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI reckon I've had about an hour's kip. I mean, that song, Walk Like an Egyptian... No one's walking. Everyone seems to be in a car at all hours, just beeping.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI don't feel like I'm round some sort of special power, but he seems like a nice bloke and that's all you want, really. Nice bloke, makes you feel welcome in his gaff, he's fed us, he's let me have a bed, messed about in his rubber dinghy.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteHello.Close Quote
Ricky Ricky Open QuoteWhat's going on?Close Quote
Karl Karl Open QuoteI'm just on the Ganges at the moment. I'm just on a rubber dinghy with a 77-year-old man.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteHe wanted to cleanse my soul... I've never had it cleansed before.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteA lot of people say, 'I'm going to India to find myself.' But what happens if I change and I go home and I'm all different? Suzanne's gonna go, 'What's happened to you?', and then she doesn't like the new me. And then I'll start to hate myself because I'm not the person who I thought I was... I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting bills for Karl Pilkington left, right and centre, so I hope I'm him, 'cause if I'm not I'm paying for someone else.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteBit of a stretch there, for the toiler paper, if I'm being picky.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteAlan Wicker, he did all his travel shows years ago. A smart fella with a suit on. Never saw him covered in sh*t. Never saw im knackered, whinging, moaning.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - India
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI've never experimented that much with food. I didn't have pasta till I was about 21, 22.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteHummus, couscous, anything like that, I just don't have that sort of stuff. It's not a meal, it's a garnish.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteMe mam walked up to some fella who she thought was a Big Issue seller, who was stood there with a magazine in his hands. She walked up, she said, 'you can keep the magazine,' and gave him a quid. Turns out it was just a fella stood outside Going Places, with a holiday brochure in his hand... He kept it.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteWhen Palin went round the world in 80 days, I wonder if that was a scheduled time or if he just said, 'I'm sick of this, can we speed it up?'.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteBefore when you were talking about bananas, now I had that fact about if you eat more than six, it can kill you.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Karl Comes Home
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI don't like dancing at weddings. So I ain't gonna do it on a dual-carriage way, am I?Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Jordan
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThe only thing that's annoying with camping is er, the... toilet situation.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteCamels their known as the ships of the desert, we've ended up with the bloody Titanic.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Jordan
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteI find that if you just talk, your mouth comes out with stuff.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 2 - Clive Warren
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteI've always wanted to kick a duck up the arse.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 2 - Future
 

The Ricky Gervais Show

Karl Karl Open QuoteI don't know why gays like looking at knobs when they've got one of their own.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 2 - Leg Rubber
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteTheir writing is just like testing out a biro.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - China
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteWell, I never said it was delicious. You're putting words in my mouth now, along with other things.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Egypt
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteA load of bees 'ere. Is anywhere safe?Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Mexico
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteI know I'm not that old yet, but I reckon this is the lowest point of my life.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Peru
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteThere was underpants hanging on the end of my bed, and they weren't even mine.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall - Season 1 - Brazil
 

An Idiot Abroad

Karl Karl Open QuoteNormally on a Monday night, I'd probably have a little bit of lamb that's left over from Sunday dinner. And yet, you know, this Monday night... cock and bollocks, couple of eyes, er... bit of tongue, you know, for garnish... I never thought I'd say that.Close Quote
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Publish to Facebook Wall Quote Entered by: Paul Tibble - Season 1 - Egypt
 

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