Top TV and Movie Quotes
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Ted |
 With all the cycling, apparently I've done a real number on my sperm, mine don't have any tails, they are just kinda blobs that roll from place to place.
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 - Season 8 - My Absence
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Walker
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Greatest generation my ass! Tom Pocard is a punk!
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Ricky Bobby
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The room is starting to spin real fast, because of the gayness.
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Naboo |
I'm Naboo, that's who.
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- Season 1 - Electro
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Alice |
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I want to roll you up into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.
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Dale
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Helloooo Miss Lady!
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Sid
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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except syphilis that sh*t will come back with you.
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Cleveland Jr |
Dad, do you want me to get herpes?
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Cleveland
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I want you to at least try!
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- Season 1 - Cleveland Jr's Cherry Bomb
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Cotton
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Looks like it’s a two on one, a ménage a trois
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Pepper
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Normally you pay double for that type of action, Cotton.
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Pepper
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F’n A, Cotton! F’n A!
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Llyod
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You know Lloyd, just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this and total redeem your self.
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Randy
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I bet nuns are awesome basket ball players, especially the ones who can fly.
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- Season 2 - Made a Lady Think I Was God
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Catalina
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A faith-healer cured my grandmother of her restless leg syndrome right before she died of cancer. In hindsight we should've targeted the cancer.
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- Season 3 - I Won't Die with a Little Help from My Friends Part 2
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Earl
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Smoking weed kills brain cells. Drinking only screws up your liver, and you've got two of those.
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- Season 3 - No Heads and a Duffel Bag
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Roy
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He thinks that I'm a window cleaner.
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Jen
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What's wrong with that? It's a noble profession.
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Roy
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If your last profession was cleaning balls!
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- Season 4 - The Final Countdown
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Douglas
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But Victoria I thought you where deeeaaaad!!?
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- Season 4 - Reynholm vs Reynholm
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Happy
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That was so much easier, I should just get it in one every time.
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Jim's Dad |
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Why do you think, Michelle... they call it making love?
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Michelle |
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I don't know, I just call it boning.
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Butters
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I'll have my girl on the back seat, holding on to my fat belly. Sure she's missing some teeth, but she thinks I'm cool.
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- Season 13 - The F Word
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Randy
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I'm so startled!
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- Season 12 - Pandemic 2 - The Startling
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Newest Quotes
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Archer
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Did she say something about porn?
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Malory |
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Who?
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Archer
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Oh I guess I was imagining shit again.
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Spottswoode
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Gary, if for some reason
your cover is blown and the terrorists take you prisoner, well, you'll probably want to take your own life. Here, you'd better have this (a hammer).
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Guy
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Hey Park Lady, you suck!
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Leslie |
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Did you here that? He called me Park Lady.
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- Season 1 - Canvassing
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Eddie (age 12) |
This is battery acid you slime!
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Wilfred
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No one hates me. I'm Wilfred, I'm adorable. Look at these eyes, this smile. I once cracked a Nazi skinhead in the face with a beer bottle and you know what he did to me? Belly rub.
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- Season 1 - Anger
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Pennywise |
Excuse me sir. Do you have Prince Albert in a can?.. You do?.. Well, you better let the poor guy out.
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Wilfred
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Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself.
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- Season 1 - Anger
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Bully
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I'll kill you all!
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Richie |
Get some new material champ.
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Ryan |
I feel bad.
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Wilfred
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That's just your conscience being a total gaylord.
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- Season 1 - Conscience
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Ryan |
Don't be racist.
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Wilfred
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How can I be racist? I'm incapable of seeing colour.
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- Season 1 - Acceptance
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Stanley (age 12) |
Beep, beep, Richie.
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Flats |
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We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks.
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Gerald |
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The Borgs!
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Quote Entered by:  Robert Barboza |
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Karl
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Well, I never said it was delicious. You're putting words in my mouth now, along with other things.
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- Season 1 - Egypt
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Simon's Dad
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I remember when I was your age, me and my mates went to Magaluf. Should've called it Shagaluf... and hard... and anything that moved.
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Karl
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Camels their known as the ships of the desert, we've ended up with the bloody Titanic.
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Comments
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- Season 1 - Jordan
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Nicole Kidman
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Tom come out of the closet!
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Tom Cruise
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But I'm not in the closet.
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Comments
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- Season 9 - Trapped in the Closet
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Melvin
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Dr Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder and then act like I had a choice about barging in?
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Phil
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The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, 'We love you, Phil.'
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Comments
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- Season 1 - Game Changer
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Jay
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Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things. Did I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? I thought I didn't like 'em. Tried 'em. Love 'em.
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Manny
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Wow, are the movie rights available for that one?
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- Season 2 - Boys' Night
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: "This is battery acid you slime!" ',0,2650)){kind=logo}
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: "Beep, beep, Richie." ',0,2646)){kind=logo}
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